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I could have let him go. I could have done nothing as he backed off. But feeling a rush I had never felt in my life, I sat up, climbed on top of him, and kissed him hard.
It didn’t take long for him to react. Pushing his thick fingers into my hair, he gripped and tugged. It wasn’t enough to pull me away. It was to let me know he was there. I loved it.
Pressing my lips against his, he opened my mouth. I couldn’t believe it was Titus doing this to me, but it was. He took control of me like he knew what he was doing. And when my lips were apart, his tongue entered me. It was everything I thought it would be and more.
Finding my tongue with the tip of his, we danced. Twirling and tugging at each other’s, my mind swirled. So when he released me signaling it was coming to an end, my lips left his wanting more.
Pulling away, I stared into his eyes. I wanted to ask him why he had stopped. I wanted to tell him that I could keep doing that with him forever. I didn’t. Instead, I returned to his chest, wrapped my arm back around him, and lost myself in the memory.
I desperately wanted to know if he had regretted it. I was terrified to ask him, though. What if he did? What if he never wanted to do it again? What if he could no longer look at me? I avoided looking up afraid that he couldn’t.
“I think you wanna see this,” Titus said squeezing my shoulder.
Holding my breath, I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He directed my gaze in front of us. The sun was setting behind the mountains in the distance. It was beautiful. I loved lying there staring at it with him. And before I realized it, I had started to cry.
“What’s the matter?” Titus asked seeing it.
What could I tell him? I had no idea why I was crying. Was it because I finally knew what love felt like and it was all just pretend? Was it because I never wanted what was going on between us to end? Or, was it because I knew I had just ruined everything and now there was no way to take it back.
“I miss my grandmother,” I told him.
After I said it, I wondered if it was true. Before Titus and Quin, she was the only one in my life I could talk to. She was everything to me. Now she was gone. Why hadn’t I stayed in better contact with her? How could I have let all of the trivial things in my life get in the way of what was important?
We watched the sun set in silence and when the last of the light was gone, we packed up our stuff and returned to the ski lift. Neither of us had anything to say on the trip back to the estate. I couldn’t tell if it was because of the kiss or because he was giving me space to grieve.
Parking the truck in the driveway, I told him, “We don’t have to eat dinner with them if you don’t want to.”
“I’m here for you. Whatever you’re up for.”
I considered their response if I requested to eat anywhere other than with them. As awful as they were when I was there, they were twice as bad when I attempted to get away from them. It was like the image of us being the perfect family was more important than whether we enjoyed each other’s company.
“I’m not sure I’m up for the fight,” I told Titus feeling drained.
“Did you want to get dressed up for dinner?” Titus asked me knowing he didn’t bring anything formal for him to change into.
He was telling the truth when he told my mother he didn’t know dinner would be formal dress. He didn’t know because I didn’t tell him. What would have been the point of it? I knew everything in his closet. The nicest things he owned, he had brought. What was the point of making him feel self-conscious if I didn’t have to?
Maybe that was a mistake. Maybe I should have better prepared him. It didn’t matter now because we were here and it was what it was.
“No. I think we’re perfect the way we are.”
“Whatever you wanna do.”
Titus and I left his truck and entered knowing that the others would already be seated for dinner.
“Look who decided to show up,” Chris said ringing the bell to be served.
“Sorry we’re late. I was showing Titus the town.”
“And that somehow excuses you from disrespecting all of our time,” my mother barked.
“Mother, did you and father want to have kids?” I asked casually having wondered for a long time.
My mother groaned.
Titus and I sat and Titus immediately reached for his poured glass of wine.
“I’m serious, mother. Did you want to have us or did you do it because kids would look better on the Christmas card?”
