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“You leaving bed today?” Cali asked as he got ready for his first class.
“Probably not,” I told him rolling over.
“Okay, this is ridiculous. I’ve had it,” he said with a fire I’d never seen before.
“What? Are you gonna leave me too?”
I could feel Cali staring at me. I had my eyes closed. But if I had to guess, I would say he was looking at me with his mouth hanging open offended.
Did I care? I didn’t care about anything. What was the point in caring? It would just break your heart in the end. If I let myself care again, I…
“Hey,” I yelled when I felt his hands wrap around my ankles and pull. “Hey!” I shouted as he pulled me off of the bed and I hit the ground with a thud. I opened my eyes and stared at him. He stood with my ankles in his hands staring back.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t respond but I figured it out when he began dragging me across our bedroom floor to the door.
“Quit it! What do you think you’re doing?”
He didn’t say, but it was clear. He decided that I would be leaving our room today. I fought it, but the guy had gotten pretty strong. I would have been impressed if he wasn’t pulling me into the hallway.
“Stop it!” I said before finding the strength to kick him off of me.
It was too late. He had won. I was lying outside my door in my underwear. I looked up at him like he was insane.
I had never seen this side of him. The guy wasn’t backing down. He had to know that I could still take him if it came to that. It never would, but he had to know that, right?
I stared up at him waiting for some type of explanation. It never came. Once he broke eye contact, he went back into our room and returned with his book bag. Looking down at me again, he paused as if he was going to say something and then walked off.
I watched him go. Without looking back, he traversed the hallway to the stairwell and disappeared behind the door. It only took a moment before I heard,
“Are you okay, man?”
I looked back and saw a guy who lived down the hall. He wasn’t the only person staring at me. Our scuffle must have been louder than I thought. Everyone was staring out their doors like there had been a fight.
I lowered my head thinking about his question. Was I okay? I was lying in the hallway in my underwear and I didn’t give a shit. I was definitely not okay.
“Do you want me to help you back to your room?” The concerned guy asked.
Did I want to go back to my room? What was I gonna do there? Lie in bed and think about Lou for another twelve hours?
“Fuck it,” I said having had enough.
I got up, brushed the dirt from the carpet off of me, and reentered my room. It was just for a second. When I returned to the hall, I was in a towel.
I was going to take a shower. If I was being honest, that was probably why Cali dragged me out. I kind of stunk. No more, though. I was done with whatever bullshit I was going through.
The water droplets pelting my naked body felt good. It made me feel alive again. So did dressing in clothes that smelt like detergent instead of me. Everything I did felt better than what I had been doing. And bundling up before entering the crisp winter air, I headed for the cafeteria to get something to eat.
The longer I was out of bed, the more life returned to me. What had I been thinking over the past few weeks? Yeah, Lou refused to talk to me and it hurt. It hurt a lot. But wasn’t there more going on than how it made me feel?
Lou had also moved out of the place he had lived for two and a half years. He had been living with one of his best friends. Why would someone do that? And where did he go? Did he move in with Sey? That wouldn’t make sense. Why would he do that?
That was it. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I needed to ask myself why he would do that.
I thought about it as I shoveled a fork-full of pancakes into my mouth.
“Why would he do that?” I said aloud.
