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“Then, what’s up?” Titus asked, pressing me to tell him more than I knew.
What was up with me? Was it just that I had screw things up with Hil by not making a move? Was it the whole thing about being with a guy?
I was definitely interested in Hil. There was no doubt about that. I had never before felt anything like what I felt when I was with him. That wasn’t it. It was that… Hell, I didn’t know what it was.
“There’s a guy,” I blurted out before realizing it.
As soon as I said it, I burned with embarrassment. Sure, I had told Titus about my interest in guys. But there’s a difference between having an interest and acting upon it. And, this was the first time I shared anything like this with Claude. Yeah, he liked Titus’s boyfriend as much as I did. But that didn’t mean he would feel the same when it came to me.
When neither of them responded, something inside me hurt.
“You know what, never mind,” I said, regretting that I had brought it up.
“No. Don’t mind us. We’re both probably just a little surprised,” Titus said.
“What are you talking about? I told you I liked guys.”
“Yeah. But you’re implying that you like someone, so I’m just trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. Wait, does he already have a boyfriend? Because that would make a lot more sense,” Titus said with a smirk.
“Fuck you,” I said when I realized he was making fun of me.
Both guys laughed. It pissed me off, but only a little. Mostly, it just relaxed me. One of Titus’s skills was knowing how to make people feel comfortable. It was one of the things I admired about him.
“Come on. You know I was just joking. Any guy would be crazy lucky to have you like them. Tell us about him. Is it someone from the team?” Titus asked confused.
It took me a moment to decide what I should tell them. I know my brothers were just busting my balls, but still.
“You know how my mother was in that accident?”
“Of course,” Claude said from the other end of the phone.
“It was his car that my mother was driving. He staying at the bed-and-breakfast.”
“Oh, fuck,” Titus said with a curse word I rarely heard him use.
“Yeah. He’s been staying there ever since. He’s actually helping me take care of the place. It’s the only way I can attend classes.”
“So, if he’s there,” Claude began, “why are you in your dorm room now?”
“I don’t know,” I said lying.
“Because, it seems to me, if you like him, you should be spending time there instead of 100 miles away.”
“We kind of had a date today.”
“Wait, what?” Titus said shocked. “And this is the first time you’re telling me about him?”
“What’s more surprising is that you’re surprised by that,” Claude said, teasing Titus at my expense.
“You know what, never mind,” I said wishing I had never brought this up.
“No. Come on. What’s the use of having brothers if you can’t tease them?” Claude said sincerely. “Seriously, you know you can talk to us about anything. You know that, right?”
I didn’t respond. The truth was that I didn’t know that. Trusting people didn’t exactly come easily to me.
For a long time, I’d been living my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. The truth was that, although I’d never felt anything like I have for Hil, I have had strong feelings for a boy before. It was one of those things that sneaks up on you after spending a lot of time together.
Making friends had always been hard for me. When I was a kid, I was pretty shy. So, when this kid named Tim sat next to me at lunch and started talking to me like we had known each other forever, it meant a lot. We were both ten years old at the time, and he had been in my class a number of years. We had never been friends, though. But in that one conversation, everything changed.
