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He averted his eyes before returning his gaze to mine.
“Are you gay?” he asked softly.
“Couldn’t you tell? I thought everybody could.”
Cali blushed.
“Are you?”
“I mean, I like girls too. At least, I have in the past. I might like boys more, though.”
“When did you realize that?”
“Maybe when I realized that most of the people I jerk off to were boys,” he said embarrassed.
“So, have you ever been with a guy?”
“I’ve done stuff. Mostly after a few drinks at parties. Nothing serious. What about you?”
“I’ve liked guys since I could remember. They’ve always made me feel nervous when I’m around them, you know? But my best friend is the only other gay guy I know. And, he’s not really my type, so…”
“What’s your type?”
My eyes poured down his body like a waterfall. I couldn’t tell him what I was thinking. I didn’t want to ruin things before they began. I opened my mouth hoping something else would come out. But before I could stop myself, I heard someone say the word, “You.”
Staring up at him, all I could do was swallow. He was just staring at me. Why wasn’t he saying anything?
I wanted to scream for him to say something. But instead, he slowly lifted his left hand and wrapped his large grip around my bicep. Turning me towards him, he moved inches from my body. I hadn’t realized he was so tall.
What was he doing? I shook, not knowing what to expect. I felt so small and helpless being consumed by his body heat. And when he brushed the back of his hand against my hair, he gently touched the top of my earlobe. A chill washed through me.
I wanted him. I needed every part of him. So when he gently palmed the back of my head, I lifted my chin. This was it. I closed my eyes waiting for his lips. I could feel his heat wash across my face. He felt like he was a hair’s width away. I waited. I begged. And then he pulled away not kissing me.
I opened my eyes in time to see him let go of me and walk away. I parted my lips, unable to catch my breath. What had just happened? Had I done something wrong? I wanted to scream to him and tell him I hadn’t wanted him to stop. But his attention had turned.
With his head lowered, he wandered through the bushes. Just like that, we had returned to simply picking berries. I wanted to cry. Instead, I joined him in our task. Reaching down, I used what he had taught me. Plucking the ripe one, I placed them into my bowl.
Chapter 6
Cali
I should have kissed him, I kept repeating, torturing myself as I did.
“Are you here with us?” Titus asked, rescuing me from my spiraling thoughts.
“Yeah. What’s up?” I said, returning to our conversation.
Titus was staring at me. And even though Claude was only present over FaceTime, I could feel his eyes as well.
“You worried about your mother?” Titus said from his desk chair at the far corner of the room.
My eyes bounced between my two brothers. They were worried about me. It felt nice having someone who was.
“Nah. I’m fine.”
“You know you could tell us if there’s something you need, right?” Claude said, getting Titus’s confirmation.
“I appreciate that. That’s not it, really.”
