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How was I supposed to explain to him how much he had done for me? It was everything. I’d spent my whole life holding myself back, sure that if I let myself need anybody, they would leave me. But somehow, here he was holding my hand. The conflict in me made me want to scream to the heavens. I didn’t.
“Nothing. Thank you,” I said, saying it the best way I could.
“No, thank you,” he said with a tear in his eye.
“Why are you thanking me?”
“Because you’ve given me something I’ve wanted all of my life.”
“What’s that?”
“A reason to live,” he said with tears streaming down his cheek.
My heart broke hearing his words. The idea that someone like him would say something like that, it destroyed me. Using my thumb to wipe his trail of tears, I cradled his head, allowing my thumb to caress the top of his ear. He leaned into my touch.
Eventually pulling ourselves together, we sat and made a list of all of the things we needed to do. Hil mentioned things like getting a non-slip mat for the tub and handles she could use to get in and out. They weren’t things I could buy in town. So, between classes and my trips back to Snow Tip Falls, I slowly acquired everything from the list.
By the third day when Mama was scheduled to come home, there was only one thing we hadn’t yet talked about. It felt like we were both dancing around the topic. He knew he wasn’t going anywhere, and I knew there wasn’t anywhere else I could sleep.
“So, do you think your mother would be okay with me doing a little couch surfing?”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s what they call it, right?” he asked vulnerably.
“I’m sure she’ll be okay with it, but you’re not the one staying on the couch. I am.”
“No, you’re not. You have a bedroom. I can’t kick you out of it. If it’s necessary, I can find somewhere else to stay. But, I’d love to stick around town if you’ll have me,” he asked with a crinkle in his forehead.
“Don’t be silly. You’re not going anywhere. If anything, I’ll find somewhere else to sleep. I could stay with Titus or Claude. I’m sure neither of their mothers would mind. They’ve already offered anything they could do to help.”
“But, what if your mother needs you in the middle of the night for something I can’t help her with? You need to be here.”
“Well, you’re not going anywhere. I won’t let you.”
“What are we gonna do?” he asked, looking up into my eyes longingly.
I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t.
“What?” he asked desperately.
“Nothing.”
He closed the distance between us and took my hand, lifting my gaze from the floor to meet his.
“No, say it.”
Staring at him I never felt more naked in my life. My heart thumped thinking about what I wanted. Did he want me to? Maybe I shouldn’t say it.
“I mean, if you trust me…”
“I trust you!” he blurted out, encouraging me to speak.
“Then maybe neither of us have to go anywhere,” I said hesitantly.
“Uh-huh,” he said, encouraging me to go on.
“I mean, my bed’s pretty big. We could both fit in it if we want.”
