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“Is there anything else you’re not telling me?” Remy asked while giving me an unwavering look.
“I found a guy who loved me. He was kind and thoughtful, and I fell in love with him,” I said showing my brother my heart.
“Oh Hil, you can’t believe that what you felt was love. How long were you gone? Did he even tell you his real name?”
I stared at Remy dumbstruck. The anger I felt prevented me from unpacking the craziness he said in so few words. There was no way I would be able to respond to any of it, so instead I said, “Have you ever been in love, Remy?”
Remy smiled.
“I have been in love many times. And then I got dressed and went home.”
I stared at him. If there’s one thing that Remy kept to himself, it was his love life. What I imagined was a string of one-night stands with beautiful women that would commit their life to him before either had the chance to get dressed. Like I said, I had seen my brother naked.
But past that, I didn’t know much about him. Did he like them short? Tall? Was every woman in this bed exactly like our mother? Had he ever been in love?
“You have no idea what love is, do you?” I asked when it hit me.
“I know enough to make me want to protect you all these years,” he said smugly.
“That’s fair. But do you know what it feels like to be in love?” I asked him, knowing the answer. When he didn’t respond, I said, ”If you knew what that felt like, you wouldn’t be asking me to do what you are to Cali.”
“Then it’s a good thing I don’t, because that wouldn’t change whether or not I’m right. You tell me, Hil, am I right? Is it safest for this guy that you never see him again?”
Every muscle in my chest clenched. I couldn’t breathe. I was drowning. And the longer I considered Remy’s question, the deeper into the abyss I fell.
“Can you give me some privacy, please,” I said climbing onto my bed and looking away.
Remy exited the room without a word. Gently closing the door behind him, the silence became overwhelming.
I truly and sincerely loved Cali with all my might. Dillon had once said that when you know, you know. With Cali, I had no doubt.
If I walked away from him, I would never experience anything like what we had again. He had rescued me without even knowing it. He gave me a world after growing up without one.
I didn’t need money or status. All I needed was a bed-and-breakfast in some small town with the guy who ran it and the family that surrounded him. I had hit a home run during my first time at bat.
How could I now walk away from it all? The thought of it threatened to reduce me to tears. But how could I go back to him knowing the risk I posed to his life? His mother had already been put into the hospital because of me. In the explosion, Cali might have died.
Remy was right. If I loved him, I had to let him go. I would think about him every day for the rest of my life, but I could never be with him.
Tears streamed down my face when I realized that my decision had been made. Retrieving my phone, I searched the internet for a bed-and-breakfast in Snow Tip Falls. When the number came up, I dialed it. The ringing was deafening; my soul laid bare.
Chapter 16
Cali
Thinking about how I had let him down, my world was coming apart. My thoughts whipped from how much I hated myself to how worried I was for him. How could I have done that? I had taken my eyes off of him and in the second I had he was gone.
This was my fault. I could never forgive myself for this. Even after the car had disappeared into the distance, I had continued to follow. I didn’t stop until my truck couldn’t drive anymore. I considered taking the time to replace the tire, but once it was off, I realized I had done more damage than I could have imagined.
Having to call my brothers to let them know what had happened, it wasn’t long before someone was out to get me. Climbing into Claude’s truck and driving until we hit the first turn off, it was there where he told me that we had to go home. We didn’t have to stop looking, but we were going to have to come up with a new plan.
Sitting in the living room as everyone argued about what we should do next, I felt like I was going insane. I had lost him just like I had lost Tim. Again, it had been all my fault. I didn’t deserve to be alive. I should have done more. But I didn’t know what I could have done.
Deadlocked between calling the FBI and trying to figure out who his family was and contacting them, I walked around in a daze. Titus and Cage tried to comfort me. There was nothing they could say. I wasn’t worthy of comfort. I didn’t deserve to feel better. How could I have let him down so completely? There was no way I was going to be able to live knowing that.
As it approached evening the next day, I was approaching a decision. Although it wasn’t what I or any of my brothers wanted, I decided not to call the FBI. It was the only thing I knew that Hil wanted. He was adamant about it. That meant that there was only one option. I was going to have to figure out who his family was and tell them.
The only problem was that Hil had been very tight-lipped about his life before meeting me. I knew he was from New York. He had once mentioned a brother. And there was something important about lions when it came to his family.
