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“Fuck you, Titus,” I said with a smile.
He laughed.
As much sense as Titus had made, that didn’t change the bind I was in. Thanks to Merri, everyone knew where I had gone and I was going to have to tell everyone I had failed.
“How was your trip?” My mother asked me when I arrived home. “Did you help out your friend?”
“I did,” I told her.
“That’s good. Did you get laid?”
“Momma!”
“I just figured that if you were sneaking off to ‘help’ a ‘friend’ that you’ve never mentioned before, my baby boy was finally gonna see some action.”
“Oh my God, Momma! And I wasn’t sneaking off. I told you where I was going.”
“Sure you did,” Momma said with a smile.
Staring at her, knowing she wasn’t completely wrong, I wondered if she was the reason I couldn’t share anything with anyone. I never questioned whether or not she loved me. But, like Titus’s boyfriend, Lou, Momma was a lot.
“I’m going to my room,” I informed her before collecting my travel bag and heading upstairs.
Lying in bed, staring at the small shadows cast by the setting sun on the textured ceiling, I wondered what I was supposed to do next. In one day, I had lost both the career and the man that I had wanted so badly that I couldn’t admit it.
And, wasn’t it because I couldn’t admit to it that I had lost them? If I had practiced instead of denying my feelings, wouldn’t I now have everything I had ever wanted?
If I had a second chance to do it all again, I would do everything differently. Too bad I didn’t have that chance… Or did I?
Chapter 11
Merri
Sleep. I needed sleep. And once I dragged myself off the ground and into bed, I got it. When I awoke, I saw things in a different light. Literally. I had been so exhausted, that when I woke up, it was past midnight. Having gone 48 hours on 45 minutes of sleep, I had a lot of catching up to do.
“Oh shit! Claude,” I said, remembering everything that had happened.
He had left furious at me. And like the last time, he had the right to be. Was I even capable of not hurting him? What was it about me that made me keep doing this?
Was it how badly I wanted him? Did my obsession with him blind me to reason?
Yes, he wasn’t ready for the workout. I could see that. He wasn’t far off, but he wasn’t there yet. If I had been more patient and perhaps considered how my actions would have affected him, I could have made better choices.
But, I had ruined it. I had ruined us. And there was no going back.
Wasn’t I also fired? Searching for my phone, I expected a message saying exactly that. I didn’t have one. I wasn’t sure why. Hadn’t I called my boss a bigot in front of everyone? Wasn’t that grounds for termination even if it was true?
Whatever the reason I hadn’t yet been fired, I was sure it was a matter of time until I was. Not only did the team’s owner not want me there, but I had failed the coach. Claude was truly the best shot Poppa had at keeping his job. Rushing Claude into the workout had screwed over everyone. Now everyone was unhappy, and I was to blame.
“Shit!” I muttered in the darkness.
I didn’t know what to do. How did I get myself out of this? How did I make things right?
I didn’t leave bed that night. Instead, I thought. As the sun rose, I became acutely aware that I hadn’t eaten in days. I wouldn’t say that I had an appetite, but I was interested in not dying… barely.
Seriously, how had I gotten myself into this mess? I was at a complete loss. Was I just broken? Was I incapable of doing anything right?
With nothing in my fridge besides condiments, I did my best to pull myself together and get something to eat. There weren’t a lot of places that were open at this hour. But I did know of one place that would be soon. It was a short walk away. Maybe the fresh air would do me good.
