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Finally, she says, “Why is this a problem?”
I huff. “He’s my boss… He’s an asshole… He’ll break my heart… I have a kid…The list could really go on and on.”
“Maybe don’t jump to a broken heart just yet. It was one kiss. That’s it. People kiss all the time. Strangers kiss for God’s sake. Besides, imagine how great your life would be if you had a rich man like him on your side.”
“No. It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like then? You said you don’t like him. So, if you don’t like him, why’d you like kissing him?” I think over her question carefully.Why did I like kissing him?
He’s mean, overbearing, makes me work horrendous hours, and he’s never once thought about what I needed. In fact, he always acts like I could be doing more for him. Even this, is something I’m doing for him. And after the kiss, he insisted I answer his questions.Who does that?
I draw in a deep breath and release it slowly. “Maybe I’m losing it.”
“No. Let’s explore this. Is it a power fantasy? Do you like the idea of your boss bending you over his desk?”
“No.God!What do you think of me?” I say the words as though the thought completely disgusts me, but I have to admit when Luke was holding me close, I couldn’t stop thinking about how safe he makes me feel. His aura, everything about him. He’s a protector at heart. He’s not afraid of hurting people’s feelings. He’s not afraid of saying tough things, and he stood up for Josh and I last night like no one else ever has. That is incredibly sexy.
Direct, assertive, and aggressive.
“Right. So, you don’t like the idea of him spanking your ass when you disobey his orders?”
“You’re messing with me. Stop… I have you on speaker.”
“Josh is watching his shows. Don’t act like I don’t know you. Admit to yourself and everyone around you that you like your boss because he’s a big, strong, dominant man who isn’t afraid to tell it like it is, even if that means you’re in the line of fire sometimes.” She laughs.“Or maybe that’s what drives you so wild.”
“You’re wrong. I’m sure whatever feeling I’m having is all physical. You have to remember, I haven’t been touched in like forty-nine thousand years.”
“Forty-nine thousand, huh? That’s quite a few, though I think I beat you by like fifty million.”
“I bet Clyde would help you with that,” I say as I turn the tables on her.
“Okay, this conversation is over. Thank you for waking me up and ruining my day. Love you!”
“Love you too!”
The line disconnects and I check the rear-view mirror. Josh is still watching his show, and Luke is behind us. His huge truck is hard to miss, just like him. His big frame, his long salt and pepper beard, strong shoulders, big biceps. The man could have any woman on the mountain. I can’t figure out why he needs to fake it with me, or why he acted like he enjoyed the kiss. I’m sure he’s had beautiful women kissing him. I’m nothing compared to them.
Despite all this, my brain begins a fantasy where I kiss him again. This time harder, more aggressively. A fantasy where he pushes me up against a wall, curves his big hand around my throat, and I lose my breath.
My panties cream at the thought of what his giant frame would feel like holding me down.
Why do I want him so bad? It’s an ache, a yearning, a desperation, an unquenchable thirst that needs to be satiated or else.
When I’ve successfully drenched myself, I imagine us sitting on the couch next to the glow of the tree after a long day of working outside. We’ve finished off the roast I made for dinner and Josh is in bed while we joke about his taste in books versus mine.
I’ve successfully married us and given birth to two more children when a giant bear walks out in front of me.
A bear!
A giant, brown bear. It’s bigger than any bear I’ve ever seen up here.
I slam on the brakes and the car goes haywire, spinning out on the road before crashing into a nearby tree. The motions happen quickly, and before I know it, we’re still staring at the smoking hood, the bear long gone.
I flip back to see Josh still laughing at his show as though I’ve hit a speed bump, not crashed into a tree. Again, I’m thankful forBionic Cats.
“You okay, bud?” I brush his leg to catch his attention.
“Good, Mom. Just got to the best part! The calico cat is about to use his whistling powers to freeze the planet so he can steal the sardines from Mr. Orange.” Josh laughs hysterically as though he’s watching it for the first time.
