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“But it wasn’t?”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“What happened?” Jo seemed concerned and I felt horrible. I didn’t want her believing I was a horrible person. I felt the same as Jo. She was my family, my best friend, my sister. When I didn’t speak right away, she grabbed my hand again, lacing her fingers with mine. “Toy, I won’t judge you,ever.”
“I know. This is hard. I messed things up between us and I don’t know that they’ll ever be right again.”
“You don’t know anything with certainty. Tell me and maybe I can help.”
“The spell was simple. It was only used to force Xander to be honest. To lower his ability to deny me. I didn’t mess with his true feelings. I know what those are. I know how he feels, but I didn’t understand why he denied me. Because of the spell, we were together.”
“You had sex?”
“Yes and he almost claimed me. His teeth were on my neck then something shifted. He pulled away just in time. He knew I’d used magic and he was so angry. When he asked, I lied. I don’t know why I did because he already knew. God, he was so furious, Jo. He kept yelling that I couldn’t be his and he couldn’t be mine then he left.”
“He was angry about the magic?”
I nodded. “I’d promised him I would never use magic on him. It was the only thing he ever asked of me and I broke that promise. Now we have Rafe, Xan hates me, and things are so screwed up. He’s going to mate that woman and I’ll be…”
Alone.
“This is all my fault. I should have never used that spell.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. Especially if you promised you wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean we can’t fix this or that he won’t forgive you.”
“He won’t.”
“He will. He has to. You’re now parents to that beautiful baby boy and the two of you have to figure this out for him.” She squeezed my hand and tugged me into a hug. “It’s going to be okay; I promise.”
She couldn’t make that promise. No one could.
“You should head back. You have an hour drive.”
“Toy…”
“I’m fine, Jo.” She narrowed her eyes and I smiled and amended my statement. “I will be fine. Xander and I have to figure this out and you’re right, we will. For Rafe.”
I glanced at my son. My beautiful baby boy who reminded me every day that one terrible decision could produce something wonderful. I had him and even if his father wanted nothing to do with me, he would love our son.
I hoped.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. We’ll be fine. Go.” I shoved her gently. She stood to leave and I walked Jo to the door.
“He’s coming, you know that right?” Jo smiled and I felt my pulse quicken. “Maybe not right away but he will come. I suggest you be ready for when he does.”
She hugged me tightly and I hugged her back. “I know and I will.”
That was a lie. I didn’t think I could ever be ready for Xander, especially not after what I’d done. I watched from the porch as Zion pulled away from the cabin then locked Rafe and I in, setting the alarm. Being out here alone should have frightened me. I was surrounded by woods and darkness on the two hundred acres Xander and his brothers owned and miles beyond that was uncharted territory. To most it would feel scary but to me this place felt like home. Itfeltlike him.
While Rafe was still asleep, I decided to take a quick shower and fix something to eat. Then we would both climb in bed.Xander’s bed. To get some sleep. Prayerfully I would be able to but somehow, I felt like my mind wouldn’t allow me. The minute I stepped into the steamy, hot enclosure everything came flooding back to me, reminding me of that night. The night I’d ruined us.
I sobbed with the heartache of having to figure out my life without Xander in it.
Chapter4
Xander.
