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“Our fathers?”He narrows his eyes. “I never knew that.”
“You wouldn’t, besides, our father is so powerful men like Neil aren’t even on his radar anymore.” I shake my head with disgust because Father wouldn’t probably know who Neil is. “At first I didn’t want any trouble for either of us and I didn’t want any extra shit with Father. I also didn’t want to create more problems for you and him. God knows we had enough to worry about.”
“I never want to be the reason you have to make choices like that.”
“I know but it was during the time when Father didn’t want us to be part of the company.”
“Jesus.” His shoulders slump and understanding forms in his expression.
“Nevertheless… I decided to fight for her after she graduated high school even when her father warned me away, but in the end, what stopped me was me.”
“What did you do?” His voice is softer and careful, as if he already knows what I’m going to tell him is the type of dark shit you bury away forever.
I take a moment to think about how I’m going to tell him what I did. It’s not the easiest of stories to tell and I know he’s going to judge me for it. Even if he doesn’t intend to, he’ll still judge me.
I shuffle in my seat and lean forward resting my elbows on my knees.
“I took a job that ruined everything,” I begin and then the rest flows.
The words fall from my lips like acid. Each one burning parts of my character away.
I tell him about the job, the drugs, the mistakes, the consequences I had to pay. I tell him about River’s father and the way he lost the use of his legs, then I explain more about why I’m in this arrangement with River and why I can’t be with her.
By the time I’m done I feel like a million years have passed by, but I feel light.
I feel like I just broke off a piece of the weight I was carrying and gave it to him to share the load.
“Why didn’t you tell me? How could you keep something like this from me?” I expected to see more rage in his eyes, not hurt.
“I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”
“We’ve always had each other’s back’s but you kept this from me.”
“You had your own shit to deal with. It’s only in recent months that we’ve been free of Father’s tyranny. Besides I never expected to see River again. Now I have to be around to protect her. I can’t allow Sasha to hurt her.”
“Jericho,” he says my name in a harsh tone. “If you think that all you're needed for is to protect her, then you’re a fool.”
“I can’t do anything else. I’ve ran away from this for so long because I couldn’t bear to see her look at me with such disappointment when she found out what I did.”
“I understand that and I see your point, but I’m going to tell you something told me once that kicked my ass in gear.”
“What was that?”
“You’re in love with your wife.” He nods. “You knew I was in love before I accepted it. I’m telling you now because you need to be told. You didn’t stop being in love with River.”
I hear those words and I feel like a fool because he couldn’t be more right. I’ve acted like the guy who could see the sun staring right back at him and still maintain that he saw nothing.
I am in love with my wife.
“Don’t tell me I’m wrong, because I know I’m not and you’re not going find it easy to let her go.”
“It’s not that simple. We’ve come a long way, and I’m grateful for the time I’ve had with her, but I still believe she deserves better than me. I can’t be with her past our agreement and continue to keep the secret to myself.”
“Why don’t you allow her to decide that for herself? Have you ever thought about that?”
No. The answer is no, but I think it’s a given that I wouldn’t have needed to consider that.
Her father can’t walk. It’s the ultimate price. If he knew, Jesus if he knew the truth, it would even be worse.
