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Dad knew all along what was going on and kept it quiet, now I’m left with all the pieces of terror floating in my soul.
Feeling the way I do, I should be tucked away in my bed. Instead I’m at the theater getting ready for tonight’s show.
I’m on stage in ten minutes. I was already late getting in and in two minds about showing up, but I felt I had to be here.
I’d already taken off way too much time and I felt like dancing, doing something I love, would provide a much needed distraction.
At least Gina and Eden are both in the audience tonight. That gives me some comfort. They’ve already seen the performance a couple of times over the summer, but tonight is about being here to support me.
“Hey River, you ready to go on?” asks Kate, the stage manager.
My dressing room door was already open so she’s leaning against it.
“Yes, sure. I’ll be a minute.”
“You sure?” she checks, holding two thumbs up.
“Yes.” I nod and smile to reassure her.
I appreciate that everyone here has been so supportive during this time. It’s helped me a lot. I can just imagine having the opposite when I go back to the academy.
“Good, see you out there.”
She saunters away and I check my hair and face in the mirror once more.
Yesterday when I woke up I had dark circles under my eyes that reminded me of the kind I used to have in Russia when I was so depressed I used to cry every second of every day.
I look better now but the hollowness is still inside me.
Pulling in a deep breath I leave. Moments later I’m on stage with other members of the cast waiting for the curtain to open.
We’ve been doing a twist on Romeo and Juliet for this production. I have the leading part of Juliet but in this production everything is the reverse.
As I stand here waiting for the performance to begin I realize just how fitting the production is to my life. I’ve been dancing all summer long not knowing I could easily be Romeo or Juliet. The pain would still be the same.
The music starts and the curtains draw open.
I look into the audience to search for Gina and Eden, but the first person I see sitting in middle of the front row is Jericho.
He’s sitting right where I can see him and he can see that I’m looking right at him.
My heart swells at the sight of him and a wave of emotion surges through me. It lifts me up and I think of our lives. The past and present.
In the past we were so in love, but I feel like that was just the beginning of what was to come. The present where we know what love is.
It’s us.
I shouldn’t be smiling but I am. On seeing that he places his fingers to his lips, then to his heart. It’s an old gesture from the past that he used to do when I was nervous. It meansI love you and I’m here for you.
The simple but effective meaning always gave me strength.
It does the same thing now, but there’s more power behind it because he’s my husband.
I love you too, Jericho and I’m here for you.
I spot Gina and Eden in the middle row beaming at me and I gear up to do what I was born to do.
The performance begins and my new found strength guides me through the next few hours. I float through every scene effortlessly, separating the real world from the space I have on stage to just be a dancer.
