Page 52 of Lavender Moon


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“Hey,” he says softly. “Truth?” I nod, sucking my bottom lip in while I try to keep it together. “Do you love me?”

“Yes,” I say on a gust of air that I’d been holding tightly in my chest. “I love you,” the words tremble out of me.

“And that’s all I need to get me through this year, baby,” he promises, laying another kiss on my lips.

“I dare you to come back,” I tell him, words getting more and more difficult as I try to tamp down the sobs, and he brings his forehead to mine.

“And you know I never turn down a dare.” His words come out in a low voice, full of conviction and determination. “Okay?”

“Okay,” I nod, and this time can’t help the whimpering in my voice.

He gives me one last kiss, and makes it count. Fierce, passionate and full, as if he’s pouring every part of himself into it. Even as his feet start to shift backwards, his mouth is still on mine until the last possible second as he gets ushered toward the bus as a superior relieves him of his ruck sack. With one foot on board, he leans back and blows one last kiss as the engine starts.

I continue to watch as the bus rolls out of the parking lot towards the street while I take more deep breaths in an effort to calm my body from being rattled with emotion. And when the bus is out of sight, I finally look down at my left hand to find a heart with lines and cuts to make it look as though it’s made of diamond. But it’s not nearly as beautiful as the messaged scrawled beneath it.

I love you, Luna Shane

Kaleb

“Loverboy!” Alex teases from next to me on the musty-smelling bus.

“Please…” I scoff. “Like you didn’t have your tongue down Miranda’s throat out there.” I tip my head towards the window. “Did you lock that down, by the way?”

He shakes his head. “No, I’m testing Miranda’s loyalty.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we haven’t been serious for that long. I need to see what this relationship is made of first, and then we’ll talk about a ring.”

I nod, because he’s making sense. He wants to see if his girl can hold steady while he’s gone; to see if she cannot cheat, or fall out of love with him.

I don’t need to test Luna’s loyalty. Every summer, she was there without fail – and that was when we were two dumb kids. Now we’ve survived a three-year estrangement, and she’s my wife. She’ll still be here when I get back.

The last two weeks went by way too fast, but were beautiful nevertheless. Even when we were stuck at the DMV for three hours getting the name on her ID changed. We spent that time in the waiting room with me giving her another drawing lesson. With her on my lap and her hand in mine, we might as well have been sitting under an oak tree instead of a stuffy, windowless room.

Her artwork hangs in the living room, including a couple of pieces we worked on together. There are several shades of purple towels in our bathroom, and vanilla candles everywhere. Nothing could feel more right in my house – and my life. Now if I could just get that last wall to come down, the one that stands between me and giving in to my feelings all the way.

I still harbor an epic amount of anger at my father. It’s been concentrated and compressed to fit in a small box deep down in my soul, but it’s still there, burning hot as magma, along with the anger at the unfairness of the way Pops died alone. After everything he did for me, the universe couldn’t even give me the small consolation of being with him in his last moments.

All my life has taught me to do is keep my guard high and my expectations low; to acknowledge my feelings but not give them any control. Luna coming back into my life made me knock down several of those walls just to let her in, knowing I’d be a fool to shut her out. And now, I’m just hoping with all I have that this next year will give me a place to put my fury, or better yet, release it and vanquish it. I don’t know what I’m expecting. Maybe I’m hoping the adrenaline and gratification of helping people will make me stronger; build my character or endurance… that being up in a helicopter will give me a sense of perspective. Or maybe just doing something with my life other than waiting around for something to happen will make me feel accomplished – despite my piece of shit father. If nothing else, I’ll go home after a year and make something of Pop’s business, and that will be enough. And if that last damn wall can come down, maybe Luna and I can truly join forces and build something amazing together.

22

LUNA

June

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

To my sexy soldier. After you left, I drove back to Detroit for a visit and I’m glad I did. Being with my family helped that initial shock of you leaving. I played a lot of one-on-one with Matthew in the driveway, went shopping with my mom and Granna, and while dad was busy at work a lot, I hung out at his practice a little bit and we squeezed in a couple of movie marathons. My mom touched up my purple coloring, and… we now have a cat. Welcome to the old ‘what’s mine is yours’ adage. I brought my tabby cat, Buster, back to your house… our house? It feels so weird to think of it that way. Anyway, my classes are only Mondays and Thursdays this summer. I clustered them together to make it easier to go between the city and Coyote Creek, so I’ve settled Buster in at the house since I’m there more. Not much else to say except I miss you and hope you’re staying safe.

I love you.

Lu.

From:[email protected]

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