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“You need more than just naked enthusiasm,” I said. “You need clients. A business plan. Marketing know-how. A way to differentiate yourself from everybody else. A buffer of savings to keep you afloat.”
He raised his glass. “There’s your to-do list.”
Ugh. The pub was entirely too hot and cramped for this conversation. “Going off on your own takes work and planning. It’s not something you just jump into blindly.”
Not again, anyway.
“There’s no gain without a little risk. I think you have the capability.”
I laughed at his unfounded optimism. If only he knew. “I also have an apartment I don’t want to lose and an elderly, arthritic dog who needs medication.”
“Is he unwell?”
“He has a slight touch of kidney disease.” We’d kept it mostly in check with medication so far, but that would only last so long. The question of how long pinched at me. But talking about Shatner’s declining health bummed me out even more than talking about my job. “He’s just old. He’s gone all gray around the muzzle. He’s ten, so that’s like, I don’t know, forty-nine in human years.”
Duncan’s mouth tipped up delectably at my little jab, and his knee knocked against mine. “Ancient.”
“Exactly.” The warmth of his touch almost made up for all the talk about work.
He took another drink of whisky. “So. Your business plan.”
No. I did not need him joining my mother on the sidelines of my life, waving pom-poms and cheering me into self-employment. I’d already taken that road and found a dead-end. More like a cliff, and I’d careened over,Thelma & Louisestyle.
“So you do have a flaw. You’re pushy.”
He looked thoroughly unsurprised by the assessment. “I like to think of it as assertive.”
“Bossy.”
“Bold.”
I shook my head at him. Honestly, I liked those traits when it came to how he pursued me, but I needed to shut down his desire to guide me into another round of ill-advised entrepreneurship.
“Do you have any idea how many web designers I know who valiantly struck out on their own and are now tending bar in some dive just to scrape by? It’s a lot.” I could have given my personal experience but telling him of my failure in the face of his success was too much right now. Impulsive and destitute didn’t go so well with bold and assertive. “Can we talk about something else? You are literally killing my buzz.”
“If you like. But I’ll say that the woman whose boss calls for help from five thousand miles away sounds like a woman who can handle things on her own.”
twenty-four
A second whisky later,and I wasnothandling things on my own. I’d finished the first too quickly just to stop thinking about Duncan’s casual assessment of my job, and his mistaken belief I could run my own business. I’d downed the second whisky trying not to think about his hands, his mouth, his eyes, and everything in between.
Now, I casually clutched the edge of the table to stop from spinning, pretending at an air of normalcy I definitely didn’t feel.
“After my father died, I knew I had to change things.” Duncan’s quiet somberness sounded strangely loud in the riotous pub. “Losing him made me finally realize I needed to take a step back from work. Clock out on time, delegate tasks, take vacations. My marriage was over by then, but I make sure nothing comes before my girls now.”
He was being so wonderful, confiding in me about his feelings over his father’s death, and I could hardly concentrate on what he said for fear I might topple over.
I altered my facial expression to convey concern but must have missed the mark. He blinked hard at me, looking me over.
“Are you feeling all right?” He glanced down at my empty whisky glass and back to me. “Too much?”
“A bit.” I’d heard someone say drinking whisky was like being wrapped in a warm blanket, but right now I suspected whisky was about to smother me with a pillow.
“Come with me.” He stood and held out a hand. “You’ll feel better outside.”
I stood, but the pub tilted and I swayed on my feet. Nope. Not good. Probably best if I just crawled beneath the table to sleep it off.
“I’ve got you.” He wrapped an arm around me and held my hand as he led me through the pub doors.
