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But with Val leaving…well, it’ll be even easier. I had hoped she’d come with, keep us together like we promised each other as kids, but I guess that was a fool’s dream too.
Sloppy Becky’s annoying voice comes back to life, loud and desperate, but still, all my thoughts are on Val and what the future holds.
This morning, we had a whole fucking life ahead of us, one where we decided how it would be. Now there’s nothing. She’ll be shipped off to her father’s, leaving me behind like a memory in her past. Sure, we’ll keep in touch, but what happens when time passes, and she gets new friends who take up her time as I would…what then?
“Fuck that.” I growl forgetting Becky is standing right in front of me until I practically run her over, “Move, Slo–Becky, I need to talk to Val.”
“But what about your promise? It was the first day of senior year and you said you’d be my date to the graduation bonfire.”
My eyes widen at the fact that she remembers that bullshit…and the fact that shebelievedit. I made that empty promise during a scenario similar to what's happening now, her badgering me for attention. Becky is a nice girl, but incredibly clingy and ridiculously annoying as fuck. It’s not her fault…but it kind of is, and I can’t help the spike of frustration that has my teeth grinding.
I cup the tops of her arms, hating the way her eyes soften under my glare.
“I’m going to be as straightforward as possible, Becky,” I clench my jaw and force her back when she tries to step closer to me, keeping her at arm's length, “You and me willneverhappen. I don’t like you in any romantic way and I never will.”
“But—”
“But nothing Becky! Fuck! Move on because you don’t stand a chance with me.” I lean in closer, my fingers tightening around her arms, eliciting a hiss -slash fucking moan- from her, “You’re weak, too soft, and way too willing. I’d rip you to pieces and leave you for the next sucker, and the most pathetic part is, you’d enjoy every fucked up second of it until you realize you’ve been used. Now get the hell out of my face.”
I shove her to the side, ignoring her shaky voice calling my name. Fucking hell, Becky has been a pain since middle school. The only fucking reason I kissed her was because I was dared to. I wanted to kiss Val instead, but I was too chicken shit even then to act on my feelings. I didn’t know what I liked when I was that young, guys, girls, something in between, but I did know that Val was my infatuation. Now though, she’s gone from crush to obsession, the drug I won’t quit, the liquor I won’t give up,the secret I won’t tell.
I’ve never been with a girl, guys yes…fuck yes, but never a female. It’s not because I don’t like them -as I’ve led Val to believe- but because I don’t want to have just any girl be my first…it’s Valeria Calavera or no one.
But with her leaving soon, it’s now or never. I have to tell her how I feel or I’ll risk living a life with a huge regret hanging over me. Regrets are poison. They tarnish all your decisions, making you second guess yourself at every major turn, and I don’t want to be one of those old men who live with a constant frown, bitter and cruel because they fucked up in the past.
Sounds cliche as fuck, but I want to be able to look back as say,fuck yeah I did that.
With my mind made up, I go in search of Val, shoving through people to get to where I last saw her. My eyes narrow behind my glasses when I spot her sitting by the lake with some guy. I can’t make out who he is or what they’re talking about, but I see her offer him the blunt. Jealousy stirs in my chest, making my stomach twist with bitterness. I do my best to ignore it, reminding myself -as I do every time Val hooks up with some rando- that this guy means nothing to her and she isn’t mine. Not yet at least because one day, even if it’s for one night, I vow to make Val mine. One way or another, my name will be screamed from those sexy, pouty lips, and I’ll savor every fucking syllable.
“You should tell her how you feel.” Rico’s voice has my head spinning in his direction. “I mean, fuck, this wholewill they or won’t theyshit has to end sometime.”
He tosses his arm over my shoulders before passing me a beer, both of us watching Val’s shoulders shake with laughter. I swallow a gulp of the alcohol, tasting nothing but the jealousy on my tongue.
“Better hurry up though, you don’t want to miss your shot before you even shoot it.”
“Rico?” I ask with my eyes burning a hole through the back of the guy’s head.
“Yeah, wey?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
He chuckles, pulling his arm from me before clapping me on the back, mumbling something under his breath, but I’m too annoyed to call him out on it.
My mind drifts back to the spanking I gave Val earlier. It started out as totally innocent until I had her at my mercy on my lap…that’s when it felt wholly sinful and so fucking sweet. I could hear her panting, see her wiggling, and all the while I told myself it’s because she felt it too. Felt this need and hungry desire that basically pours from my eyes anytime we’re together, but I know that’s not the case. I know she’s blind to it, blind to how I feel. Though I’m unsure if it's forced blindness or if she really is that ignorant to my feelings.
I wonder if I'm blind to what she feels. Is there a chance I’m so stuck in my feelings that I can’t see there’s a possibility of Val wanting something more with me?
Fuck me, I have no clue.
Does it even matter? Not like she’s sticking around anyway, and that long distance relationship thing is all total bullshit if you ask me. Yeah, I’d be faithful, hell, I have been, and I trust her to do the same, but if I finally have Val, there’s absolutely no way I’d let miles be the gap between us. I’d need her,physicallyneed her, every day.
“Hey, you okay?” Val’s voice is suddenly breaking through my chaotic thoughts.
I look over her head and spot the guy standing now, staring at her back, “Yeah, I’m good just thinking about everything.” I keep it vague but thankfully, it’s not a lie.
Val follows my gaze, huffing under her breath before throwing the finger at the guy, “Prick.”
I do my best to keep the curiosity and relief out of my voice, but I’m unsure if I do a good job, “Not a fan of yours?”
