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I lay my head against her chest, our breathing rough and loud.
I wish I could keep her, but I can’t.
SIX
VICENTA
“Promises” by EMO
From the front seat of a car, I watch as Alvaro speaks with one of the employees while the jet gets taxied into the hangar. My legs burn just as they do after a long ride on my motorcycle. I squeeze my eyes shut when I see my brother falling, his body rolling and slamming against a wall, all because of Alvaro.
The man I just gave my virginity to.
Disgust rolls through me as he walks over to the car. I try to rationalize my choices, and the truth is, I did need something,anything,to shut my mind off. I read that sex can offer that peace to some people and I’m thankful that it turned out to be the truth for me…but this gut-churning heat of betrayal shames me.
Still, I did not want my first time to be with an old as fuck man who will inevitably rape my virginity from me.
I turn away from him when he slides into the seat and grip my new dress shirt tightly. Flashes of his hands and mouth bombard my mind, making my heart jump in its cage. I’ve never felt the way he made me feel, there’s never been a reason to. There’s never been a person who I wanted. Even when I’ve touched myself, the absolute power of vulnerability never felt so raw and so good.
Alvaro starts the car in silence, driving toward a city of lights in the distance. I close my eyes and let the feel of the car lull my mind into a somewhat peaceful silence.
After a few miles of listening to my heart slow, Alvaro speaks.
“What we did can not be told to anyone, for the sake of your life and mine—”
“I’ve already told you, Alvaro,” saying his name makes my chest constrict, “death and I have an understanding.”
“Then for the sake of your family.”
We don’t speak again after that.
My brother’s smiling face, his laughter and free spirit, flash in my mind, making a silent sob wrack through my body. I turn toward my window, wishing I was alone so I could cry in peace.
As if understanding my needs, Alvaro turns the radio up loud enough to allow me the freedom to cry without being heard. And cry I do.
Sobs break free, opening the floodgates with a sigh. I bite the heel of my hand as I think of all I’ve lost tonight. The betrayal of my father burns through me, making my teeth pierce through my skin. It’s then I realize I have a reason to get through this shit, a reason to survive. Not just for my baby brother or my weak mother, not even for myself—I will survive so that I can ruin my father’s life just as he did mine.
I will play my part here. I’ll do as Alvaro suggested and keep up the good girl façade until I have the power to move the pieces of this cartel game in my favor.
Wiping my eyes, I use the sleeve of my shirt to clean my nose before reaching for the volume button and shutting off the music.
“Tell me everything I need to know about Marío.”
Alvaro looks at me in surprise, but answers me anyway. “Back talking is every man’s downfall when dealing with him. He’s a hard man but he’s smart too. He loves mind games and will make you fall into his traps without you ever noticing until it’s too late.”
I shake my head. “That’s not what I mean. What does he expect of awife?”
The word almost makes me gag. Fucking hell, I’ll have my work cut out for me. I can’t even imagine standing close to the leering bastard. The times I’ve had the displeasure of being in his presence, I felt the need to cover myself and run for the hills.
“What will help me survive him?”
“He was good to the only wife he ever had,” he sighs, rubbing a thumb over his brow as he navigates through the city. “But then she died and he never treated women the same again.”
“Your mom?” I ask softly.
“Yes,” he replies roughly, and I sense he doesn’t want to talk about her.
“Okay, so how does he treat womennow? What should I expect?”
