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How can I do that when Alvaro and Romero’s faces and deceit blend together in my mind every night?
Letting go of the knob, I cover my face with my hands, swallowing down my scream of frustration before smoothing my hands through my hair and walking to the balcony. I need some air. I need to breathe anything other than this stale air that reeks of my indecision and stupidity.
I slide the bay door open and step out onto the balcony, breathing in the warm, salty air with a sigh.
I don’t particularly miss diving—it was more of a chore than a joy—but I do miss the feeling of free-falling.
Again, my mind travels to both men and the heights they threw me from.
“Shut the fuck up!” I yell at my disquieted mind, letting the wind carry my cries.
Blowing out a heavy breath, I stare at the black sea, listening to the crash of waves against the shore and the laughter of people who have none of my problems.
Life was so easy before that night at the restaurant back in Texas. Still, I remember being dissatisfied with it. Looking around myself now, I can’t help but laugh at my ignorance.
You don’t know what you have until you lose it.
Fuck me, when a cliché begins to make sense, you know you’ve hit a new low.
I lean on the banister, resting my chin on my palm. Acapulco would be such a wonderful place if it were under different circumstances. Still, I can't help but love the sounds of the bay.
My eyes catch on three people moving on the street below, their whispered words reaching me as one of the men pushes the lone woman against the wall of the adjacent building. I stand up straight, worrying for her safety as horrible scenarios play out in my mind.
Just as I’m about to yell out, I see her press her lips to the man in a passionate kiss before pulling the second man to her, kissing him with the same hunger. She tips her head back, letting both men kiss her neck as though they belong to her equally. Their hands creep up her skirt before she pushes both away with a flirty laugh, walking away while throwing a pretty grin over her shoulder. Their eyes catch each other’s before they’re running after her as she slinks away into the night, yelling out endearments while they disappear.
I sigh and lean over, wondering what it must be like not to have any worries about two men and their feelings. She gives them what she can and they take willingly, asking no more in return. They just want a piece of her.
I don’t know if that’s the case with them, but I can't help but wonder if that’s what it’d be like for me. If they were willing, would I have enough to offer RomeroandAlvaro?
I scoff, shaking my head. What a stupid thing to even imagine. Both of them betrayed me, humiliated me, and laughed at my naivety.
Besides, fantasies are for people who believe in timeless romance.
For a while, I just stand there, my mind on the three person couple, when a light comes on in a building not too far from me. I don’t know why it catches my attention, there’s a ton of lights turning on and off around me, but I guess it has more to do with the man who steps out onto the balcony.
There’s something familiar about the set of his broad shoulders, the way he moves slowly like a predator hunting his prey. I squint my eyes as I try to make out his face, but then he turns on the light above him and my breath catches in my throat.
“Alvaro,” I breathe, my voice catching when he turns toward me as though he heard my whisper. He does a double take before gripping the edge of the banister like he’d run to me if he could. I stare, my heart beating wildly behind my ribs as he slowly raises a hand to his chest, drawing a circle over his heart with his palm.
Maybe it’s the throuple I witnessed, or maybe it's the loneliness that is no longer comforting to me as it once was, but I lift my hand and repeat the motion, a sob escaping when he drops his chin to his chest.
We stand there for a while, neither of us making any more hand gestures, content in watching one another.
I let my tears fall silently, comforted in the fact that he’s too far from me to see them.
Why couldn’t fate or the universe be more kind to me? Why did it have to deliver me to a man who is unattainable? Why did I have to fall for someone who could never be mine?
I stand straight when he moves, his hand digging in his pocket before the screen of his phone lights up his face. I watch him bring the phone to his ear, his eyes on mine as his lips move. His arm that grips the banister flexes as he listens to the caller. Who is it? Why does he look like he’s being ripped apart with sad news?
When he hangs up, he raises his hand and presses the tips of his fingers to his lips before placing them over his heart. He turns back to the entrance of the balcony and my stutters in my chest. Why is he leaving?
“Wait!” I call when he turns off the balcony light and moves through the threshold. “Alvaro!”
My lip trembles when the lights on his floor go dark.
“He loves you.” Romero’s voice penetrates the painful silence Alvaro left me in. I spin in place with my hand to my throat, my eyes landing on him as he leans against the frame of my door.
“How did—”
