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“Don’t touch me!” she shouts. She swats her hand at me, and I’m thrown off balance, catching myself right before I fall on my ass. I stand back up and study her face, it’s tear-stricken and red. Her mascara is streaming down her cheeks in waves of black.
“Was it something I said?”
“Try something youdid,” she snaps at me.
She steadies herself to get up from her crouching position and dusts her palms off on her blue velvet dress, leaving a light gray residue behind.
“I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s broken.”
“Broken, is that what you think of me? I’m broken?”
“God, Sterling don’t be ridiculous, of course not.”
“Don’t act like you weren’t going to fuck that pretty little waitress in there. Is she why you didn’t want me to come?” She shoves past me after the last word leaves her mouth.
I stay in my position, dumbfounded, and confused. I slowly turn around to face her and she's standing in the alley with her arms crossed firmly.
“Desiree,” she adds. “Sound familiar?”
Desiree.
God damnit.
How could I be so stupid?
“Sterling, please let me explain.” I reach for her hand, but she swings it around and swats me away.
“No!” Her face is red, and worry overcomes me as I can only imagine what Desiree could have said to her.
This is why I don’t get involved with women who seek attachment. Though I never anticipated I’d be here with Sterling and that some crazy ex-fling of mine could have the potential to ruin it.
“You know what?” She runs her fingers through her golden, wavy hair before wiping her face free of mascara and tears.
I wait for her to finish, wait for her to speak. But I don’t expect the next words to leave her mouth.
“You and I, this stops here.” Sterling’s reddened eyes meet mine. “It was fun while it lasted, Callan. But I can’t trust myself to not feel anything for you. And this is getting too real, too fast and that only leads to heartbreak.” She pulls out her phone.
“What are you doing?” I question, feeling a few drops of rain fall from the sky.
“Requesting a ride. This was a mistake.” Her tone is sharp as glass as she lashes out at me.
“Sterling, can we please just talk about this? This is all just a misunderstanding. Let me take you home.” I don’t know how to explain this to her, because I never imagined myself in a situation where I would ever need to.
“Callan, there’s nothing to explain.” She looks up from her phone at me and takes a deep breath. “You don’t do relationships. You’re a big boy. You can fuck whoever who want, whenever you want. I know that you have a past, but I just don’t think I can do this casually anymore.” I’m surprised to feel hurt by her words. I know she’s trying to downplay how she really feels. Feelings that she doesn’t think she can have because I made her believe this could only happen once.
And then it happenedmore than once.
On my bed.
In my office.
This is all my fault. I never wanted to string Sterling along. She doesn’t deserve this.
I knew it from the moment I touched her, I knew how fucking real this was. I let my obsession for her get out of control and now, she’s hurt, because of me. And this is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
“Were you going to fuck her tonight?” She sounds so broken.I did that to her.
The lack of trust she has in me hurts. I wish she knew that I would never do that to her, she’s all I think about morning to night.
