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“Just stop the car, Lena.” He pulled his hand away from hers. He was agitated, that much was obvious. He couldn’t sit still as she inched down the road towards the parking lot—carpark in Aussie. He was like a horse that wanted to bolt when something had spooked it, and only got more frenzied the more you reined it in and tried to control it.
But she didn’t see how things would be better if she stopped the car in the middle of the road.
She checked the rear-view mirror. “I can’t— there’s cars behind me. Let me find a place to pull over—” She could tell from the way his breathing changed that what she was saying wasn’t helping. “Listen. Heath. Try counting back from one hundred by threes.”
“Counting isn’t going to help, Lena!” His words were like an explosion, but once he’d gotten them out, he sat silent, his every muscle tense, his breath coming in rasps.
“Just try it. I know it sounds stupid, but counting worked for me.” She eased the car into an even slower crawl to allow a family to cross in front of them, the dad carrying a little girl on his shoulders, the mom holding hands with two school age boys.
“Just. Stop. I know what works for me and counting isn’t it.”
Ahead she saw a side street. She took it, and lo and behold a parking space was available. She nosed the car in and turned off the engine.
“Okay. I’m sorry. I just want to help. I know it feels like hell right now, but give it ten minutes.”
He dropped his head back on the headrest and let out a long sigh. Which was maybe an improvement? She couldn’t tell.
“If you can’t go in, that’s fine. We can just sit here until you feel better and then decide what to do.” It was almost the same thing Carissa had told her, back when she’d been frozen at the gate to the racetrack’s backside. She wanted to do for him what Carissa had done for her: show him a way to stop running from life. She’d offer him an out and give him a way forwards. “If you keep running from everything that triggers a panic attack, what’s going to be left? What if you can figure out a way to cope and you can do all the things again?”
Heath blew out another long breath, the kind that released tension. She took up his hand again. He didn’t pull away, but his knee started jiggling up and down. He was still way too keyed up.
“If counting doesn’t work for you, what does?” If she could get him talking again, that would be good.
“I go through the senses… three things I can see. Two things I can smell. One thing I can hear…”
She bit her tongue because that sure sounded like a form of counting to her. “Okay. I spy with my little eye the bookshop, the pharmacy, and a handsome man.” His eyes flashed towards hers and her cheeks heated. “What about you?”
“Polka dots, glitter, lightbulb necklace.” With his free hand, he touched each of the things he’d named—all elements of her outfit. He ended by hooking his finger on her necklace, before letting it gently drop back against her skin. He must be feeling better if he could tease her like that andholy cow. It was working for her in a way she didn’t think it was supposed to. Not if they were going to listen to carols instead of going home.
“I sniff with my little nose mowed grass and dog.” Copper needed a bath. “What do you smell?”
“Ginger and flowers.” The answer came so fast, he must’ve had it ready.
“That’s my shampoo.” She smiled. “Rose and ginger. Definitely better than dog and grass. No way the car rental company is going to give me my deposit back when I return this thing.” In the dim light, she thought maybe she’d coaxed a hint of a smile out of him. “Okay, I hear with my little ears kids laughing.”
“I hear you. You don’t shut up much do you?” He one hundred percent said it with a smile in his voice, which was the only reason she didn’t murder him.
“Hey! Rude!” She gave him a mock shove on the shoulder. He didn’t even budge in his seat. “What about touch and taste? Do you do those?”
“Nah. Doc didn’t say anything about them.”
She filed that information away for later. He’d seen a doctor for his panic attacks. That was good. Except she was starting to wonder if Heath suffered from more than just panic attacks.
“Well, that seems a shame. Touch and taste are the best ones.” She leaned across the seat towards him and brushed a kiss across his lips, then pulled back. “See what I mean?”
“Yeah, I’ll have to talk to him about that. Why he left those off.” He returned the kiss, deepening it, his hand going to the nape of her neck, his fingers in her hair.
When he finally broke the kiss, she was breathless and loose limbed. “Better?”
“Better.” He gave her another kiss. “You still want to go?”
“Where? Carols by Candlelight?” She had to think about it for a second, because kissing him made going home way more appealing. But going home wasn’t what she’d set out to do with Heath, and it wasn’t going to help him become less of a recluse. “Yeah, I want to check it out, if that’s okay with you. It’s just… so unique. We don’t have a tradition like that, back home. We don’t have to stay long. Or I could go by myself—”
“Nah. Let’s try.” And he threw open the passenger side door.
The benefitof the time they’d spent in the car plus their distant parking spot was the road to the fairgrounds—showgrounds in Aussie—was nearly deserted, and so was the official car park. Plus they had to go slow, because Copper had to stop and sniff every clump of grass and she was spectacularly untalented at walking in heels, given she spent most of her life in riding boots. That was okay, though. Anything to give Heath more time to acclimate as they made their way to the entrance of the showgrounds. She wobbled on the gravel for the second time and Heath held out his elbow to her.
“Take my arm, luv.”
