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Her eyes flew to his.
“Listen to me. I don’t know how to say it any more plainly. I’m not leaving you. I’m leaving for work. It’s completely different. If you get a work visa or don’t, if you stay here or if you fly away home, it doesn’t matter, Ladybug.”
Hot anger ripped through her and unshed tears made her nose burn. How dare he call her that name, when it didn’t mean anything. When he could kiss her like he’d done and turn around and say she didn’tmatterto him. “Okay. Got it. That’s how much this” —she gestured between them—“matters to you. I understand. Now I’d like to go home.”
She knew it wasn’t fair, but thatword.She’d never mattered to her mom, not enough to stop her from drinking or losing the ranch. She didn’t need to hear that she didn’t matter to some flirtatious charmer she’d just met a few days ago.
He let out a low growl and pulled the helmet out of her hand, looking for a moment like he wanted to throw it away from them. Instead, he set the helmet down at his feet and took up both her hands, giving them a squeeze. “What I mean is, it doesn’t matter where you go or where you are.”
He kept saying that.It doesn’t matter.And every time, she heardyoudon’t matter. She tried to pull away again, an involuntary whimper clawing out of her, that’s how much his words hurt. But he held fast.
“Listen.” He ducked to meet her eyes, then released her hands. It took all she had to stay and hear him out. “It doesn’t matter, because what we have doesn’t have to be here or there. It can be anywhere. We can see where it goes, see where it takes us. What we have can be an adventure. And it can just get bigger.”
“What are you saying?”
He tipped his head back in pure frustration and huffed out something that wasn’t quite a laugh or a sigh. “I’m saying, even if I have to leave for work, I still want to explore what we have. I want you to be the one I miss. I want you to be the one I come back to.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, Ladybug. Well. You and Pickle.”
She didn’t know how he kept finding ways to make her laugh, but he did.
“You don’t think maybe you’d rather be dating Mariah?” If she was going to bare her hang ups and insecurities, she might as well go all in.
“What? No! Don’t you get it?” He gestured between them, mimicking the way she’d done earlier. “I want to see if this can turn into something more, and I think you do too. So, stay. Or don’t. Either way, I’m coming for you.” He pulled her closer, his mouth pressed to her hair. “If that’s what you want. If it isn’t, then you’d better tell me ‘absolutely not’ and put us out of our misery.”
Fifteen seconds before she’d felt like crying, and now he had her laughing. She was a wreck.
“Absolutely that’s what I want, Big Nick.”
His breath came out in a rush. “Thank god.” He squeezed her so tight she couldn’t breathe and lifted her feet off the ground. “Now take your clothes off.”
“Absolutely not!”
He laughed. “Get your mind out of the gutter. We’re going swimming.” But when he whipped off his shirt, swimming was the last thing on her mind.
Over the swell of his pec, just above his heart, was a rose compass super imposed over a map of the continents. There were words in script at the top and bottom, but in the moonlight she couldn’t quite make them out.
She traced the script with her finger, smiling when his nipple puckered and goosebumps rippled across his skin. “What’s this say?”
“Die with memories, not dreams.” His voice had gone rough again. “It’s what my mum said to me, the first time I shipped out. She didn’t want me to enlist, but…” He swallowed hard. “She knew I needed a bigger life than the one she’d had, than the one she’d been able to give me.”
“But I thought you said she wanted to see you settled.”
He laughed. “She does, now.” He closed his hand over hers, pressing them both onto his heart. “But when I was a kid, she told me about all the dreams she had. All the places she’d wanted to see and all the things she’d wanted to do, before she met my dad.” His expression didn’t go dark, but it went more serious than she’d ever seen it.
Her mouth popped open, though what she was going to say, she didn’t know.
“It’s okay, Ladybug. She wasn’t bitter. She always says I’m the best thing that ever happened to her. And she used to say she liked her life small. But…she was young. And alone. And her life turned different than what she’d dreamt.” He pinned her with a look. “She couldn’t give me all the things I wanted, but she wanted me to always have choices. And when she said that to me, when I shipped out, I decided I was going to make enough memories for the both of us.”
“And have you?”
“Yeah, but nah. I’ve got a few more to make, I think.” He released her hand, long enough to shuck off his jeans.
When he straightened, his hands went to her shoulders, helping her out of the leather jacket she’d stupidly put on. While he folded it over the seat of the motorcycle, she pulled the hem of her shirt up over her head.
His hands were at her waistband, working at the button before she’d finished getting her shirt off. She sucked in a breath as he pushed her jeans down over her hips, his hands skimming her thighs.
