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JAKE
February 14,2022
Dear Creed,
One year ago, I thought you’d be my best friend until our skin wrinkled with age and every last hair on our heads turned gray. In my mind I pictured us being placed in the same nursing home and eventually side-by-side cemetery plots with headstones that recited our unbreakable bond.
I never said the idea was realistic.
And I never imagined just the sight of you would send my blood boiling, and not in the same way it used to. I hate you. You are the biggest asshole on campus. So what if everyone else loves you? They don’t know how easily you turn off your feelings. How a few stupid words on a piece of paper change the way you look at someone.
Why did you have to be at the quad today hanging out with your jock buddies when I happened to pass through? If I never saw you again it would be too soon.
My nostrils flareas loathing for myex-best friend etches from the pencil lead onto the pages of my notebook. Now that I’ve purged my thoughts, I feel better, but lingering anger simmers beneath my skin.
I groan as I drop the pencil on the navy blue bedspread that covers my twin-sized bed in my dorm room. With a sigh, l flop back on the stiff mattress with my head sinking onto a soft pillow I’d brought from home.
I normally look forward to Fridays, but I’m just ready for this day to be over. Tossing an arm over my face, I do my best to block out the late afternoon sunlight filtering in through the cloudy glass window. I’m also hoping it helps stem the rush of memories that suddenly flood my mind. My thoughts rapidly flip through the years we’d been closer than brothers—before I saw him as much more than that.
This whole mess is his fault for snooping in my room in the first place. Sure, I’d left my notebook open, but no one forced him to read it. He has no one to blame but himself for peeking in on my private thoughts. I tell myself this over and over, but guilt still hollows my stomach for being so careless with the words I’d written, words that had led to the destruction of our friendship.
Somehow, I’d lucked out with a single for a dorm room, so I don’t have to share the shoebox-sized space with another freshman. Being alone gives me plenty of opportunities to stew in this recurring cycle of unwanted emotions that happens every fucking time I catch a glimpse of Creed these days.
Before everything had gone wrong, Creed and I had made plans to attend the same college. I’d had enough time to choose a different campus after everything fell apart, but I hadn’t. At the time, changing schools felt so final—a definite end to our friendship. Now, I wish I had because I’m forced to go out of my way to avoid him and dodge his usual hangouts.
When I’d gone for breakfast at the cafeteria this morning, the overgrown jock had been casually leaning against a tree with a few of his teammates hanging around. His eyes had briefly met mine before narrowing slightly, and then he’d looked away, dismissing me entirely. Fucking dick. Not that I want his attention on me in the slightest.
I blow out a frustrated breath. If I don’t get up and find something to do for the evening, my mind will replay that scene over and over until I drive myself insane. With a groan, I reach over and grab my phone from the bedside table. Sitting up, I scoot back and lean against the headboard as I scroll through my short list of texts. I stop when I come to the message thread with Caden, a guy I met during freshman orientation last semester. We don’t hang out often, and truthfully, I haven’t had a close friend since Creed and I parted ways. To say I have my guard up would be an understatement. Close or not, Caden is still a decent guy and happens to know exactly where the parties are happening around campus at all times.
I tap out a message, hoping there’s something fun, or at least distracting, planned for the weekend. I hit send.
Me: I need to get out of the dorm. Anything going on tonight?
I switch apps, mindlessly scrolling through my social media to keep my brain from focusing on Creed while I wait for Caden to respond.
Caden: There’s a party at Beta Kappa. But it’s a couples’ party for Valentine’s Day.
I roll my eyes. Valentine’s Day is the dumbest day of the year, and I’d completely forgotten today is the ridiculous holiday. I can almost guarantee this idea came from one of the member’s sorority-sister girlfriend. On the plus side, I’ve never seen Creed at a Beta Kappa party. On the unfortunate side…
Me: Guess I’m out then. No way I can find a date that fast.
Not that I would ask someone out just to go to a lame hearts and flowers party anyway. Especially a girl. But Caden doesn’t know I’m gay, and I don’t really plan on changing that anytime soon. A response pops up under my message.
Caden: I can see if one of Mack’s friends wants to go. I’m sure we can find you someone to just get you in the door.
Caden’s girlfriend, MacKenzie, is cool so I’m sure her friends wouldn’t be a total nightmare. I hear what he’s saying, and if the girl is down for a little ruse just to get inside, I don’t see why it would be a problem.
Me: Okay, let me know.
Caden: Mack’s calling Summer now.
I have absolutely no idea who Summer is, but does it really matter? No.
I scoot off the bed and stretch my arms over my head. I need a shower. Even if the party idea falls through, I can’t sit around my dorm all night, thinking about Creed.
I’m still dressed in a decent outfit, but the burnt orange color of my shirt and light shade of my jeans are too bright for my current mood. After shoving my phone in my pocket, I snag a pair of dark wash jeans, a black long-sleeved t-shirt, and a black hoodie. I choose the specific color to match my anti-Valentine spirit. While scowling at the whole theme of this party, I grab a towel from my not so tidy short pile of them in a wire basket on my dresser. After I scoop up my shower caddy, I head out into the hall and lock my door behind me.
The communal bathroom is a short walk away and I only cross paths with one other guy who offers a chin nod in acknowledgement. I really should make more of an effort to befriend my peers, but I’m just too bitter over my split with Creed. I no longer trust myself or anyone else.
