AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Most of the time, honestly, but there were a few times when things got hot and heavy and…” Sydney buried her face in her hands. “I hate myself so much right now, Ayesha. What would my mother think? Oh, god, my father? They raised me better than this.”
“Sydney,” she gently pried Sydney’s hands away from her face, “you’re an adult, and this isn’t the nineteen twenties. There’s nothing wrong with women exploring their sexuality. You want to date and get to know yourself as someone other than ‘Joel’s girlfriend’ or ‘Joel’s wife.’ That’s understandable considering the number of years you two spent together. However, here’s the part you’re not going to like.”
Sydney’s bottom lip trembled. “That I’m a sleazy bitch? A whore? Trash?”
“First of all, don’t call yourself those ever again. You’re a human being worthy of love and compassion and understanding, but you’re also a human being who’ll have to face consequences. It’s part of the journey. Joel’s holding on to you, and you like him holding onto you.”
“I do.”
“And you know it’s not fair.”
“I know that too.”
“But, before you tackle that, if there’s a baby inside you, it won’t disappear just because you didn’t take a test. Sydney, honey, you need to buck up and pee on a stick.”
Sydney held her hands in a loose grasp. “Okay.”
“Who else knows?”
“Just you right now.”
“But you’re closer to everyone else.”
Ari and Tayler could have helped.
Even Larke was closer to Sydney than she was, though she wouldn’t have recommended asking Larke anything about pregnancy at the moment. This was her and Dez’s second attempt, and Dez almost didn’t want to try again after they lost the first baby, but Larke had reassured him that she was okay.
Then came the second one.
And it was unfairly brutal.
This pregnancy came with a cluster of ailments that shuffled Larke in and out of the hospital. When Dez had to leave, Larke either stayed with Ari or one, or more, of them flew in to wait on her, hand and foot, despite her protests.
Then Dez had to fly out only thirteen hoursafter Larke was discharged from a two-week stay, and she’d had to talk him through anextremelyemotional moment. That same night, she told herself that if things didn’t work out a second time, and they still wanted children in the future, she would offer to be a surrogate.
“You’re easy to talk to, Ayesha,” Sydney said. “There’s something calming about you. I really wish you didn’t live all the way out in Maui. I do.”
Ayesha pushed back tears and stood, pulling Sydney up with her. “Come on. I’ll run to CVS and pick up a test. You stay here and take a moment to decompress. Whatever happens,” she gave Sydney a quick, tight hug, “I’ll work through it with you.”
“Ayesha, this’ll break Joel’s heart.”
It would do more than break his heart. It would cause irrevocable damage to his soul, his psyche, and his self-confidence. If Sydney went on to have a child with someone else while he was still as in love with her as he was, it would destroy him.
A personalitylike Joel’s couldn’t die.
Not again.
“Does he know you’re dating?” she asked.
Sydney shrugged. “I’m not sure. He saw me out once.”
“Sydney, you haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Ayesha, he loves me.”
“And love doesn’t promise us eternal happiness,” she said. “Love isn’t guaranteed to save a marriage, and it’s definitely not guaranteed to save a life.”
Curtis’ last words echoed through her mind, but she couldn’t hear them. For reasons that continued to escape her, they never came to her with the deep timbre of his voice.
