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“I bet you will.”
“Why would I?”
“What exactly are you trying to do right now?”
“I’m trying to hurt you, Ayesha,” he said, his voice gradually going hoarse. “But I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’ll ever…” He swatted the air, as though the words buzzed around his head. “Look, you can stay while I’m gone, but when I come back,ifI come back—”
She jabbed a finger in his direction. “That’s not fair. Don’t say that. Don’t put it out there into the universe. If not for me, do it for Theo and Josiah.”
“Why? They’re not mine.”
The words cut so deep, he felt where he wounded her.
The corners of her mouth gave a slight tug downward. “You’re right. You are so right.”
“Eesh, no.” He squeezed the skin between his eyebrows until they almost touched. “I didn’t mean to say that. I did not mean to say that.”
“What did you say that was wrong?”
“I love them like they are.”
“But they’re not. I was positioning you in their lives as if they were, and that’s not fair to them or Curtis’ memory. And, at the end of the day, you’re going to come to the realization that you want to go back to Sydney.”
All the muscles in his body seized. “Why do you keep saying that? Is that whatyouwant to happen so you don’t have to make a decision about how you feel about me?”
“I keep saying it because it’s true! Because you still love her.”
“I do! But I lo—”
He clamped his mouth shut.
She went still.
He didn’t breathe, afraid that if he did, he’d keep talking. She looked at him as though he’d nearly said the word that would have sent them straight to the gallows. Her chest rose and fell so rapidly, it made him dizzy.
“Hey, Ma?” Josiah knocked from the other side of the door. “Is it okay if I give Theo more rice? He says he’s still hungry. I didn’t give him that much the first time.”
Ayesha snapped out of her trance. “Um, yeah. Yeah, that’s fine.”
“Can you and Joel come eat soon? It’s why I only gave Theo a little bit of rice. I want us all to eat together.”
“We’ll be right out,” Joel reassured him.
Josiah’s footsteps raced down the hallway.
“We’re friends, Joel.” Ayesha wrapped her fingers around the door handle so tight, he noticed her hands shake.“Friends.”
He sighed. “I’m trying.”
“Try harder.”
“Eesh, it’s not easy. You know it’s not. We’re too good toge—”
“Joel, please…try harder,” she said. Then she opened the door and stormed out, never once looking back.
CHAPTER27
“Ma?”
