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“Sometimes what you see isn’t always the truth, Poppy.”
“No? Why do you say that?”
He stood and cracked his back. Blake walked around the desk and sat on the couch across from her. The sound of the fire crackling pierced the sudden silence.
He watched the fire, and she watched him. Blake laid his head against the back of the couch and turned to look at her. “Did you know I used to be a troublemaker?” he asked then smiled.
“Oh? I thought I knew everything there was to know about the Ellis boys.”
Blake chuckled and shook his head. “Nah, I used to run my dad ragged. Course, I doubt you would remember any of it, and I sure as hell know my dad didn’t brag about all the shit I did. You and Jon were too little, and even if he realized what I did, he was too enamored with you to notice anything else.” A faraway look crossed his face, but he quickly hid it. “He used to follow me around. It drove Dad nuts.” He rubbed his eyes again. “I hated Jon following me around, used to piss and moan about it, but Dad always told me that he looked up to me, that I had to set a good example.”
Poppy wasn’t sure where Blake planned on going with this, but if it helped him, then she would be that ear he needed. Lord knew she had unloaded enough of her shit on him over the years.
“I hated all the rules my dad laid out, hated having my little brother follow me around.” He looked at her again, and his pain was so strong that she felt her throat clog shut with it. “I wanted to do whatever I pleased. Yeah, I was a cocky little shit back in the day. I guess my point is I wish I could go back to the days where Jon hung on my coattails.” Blake leaned forward and placed his forearms on his thighs. For a long time, he did nothing but let his head hang between his shoulders. “I see him, running around, that goofy-ass smile on his face, and I let myself feel happy again when I think of him.”
Poppy knew exactly what smile Blake talked about, and the happiness that thought brought.
“But even though those thoughts bring me a sense of comfort, the pain, dread, and regret follow.” He lifted his head and looked at her. “You can’t change the past, and you can’t control the future. You have to embrace your life, or the sorrows of the world you carry on your shoulders will drag you down to the pit of despair.”
Poppy forced herself to look away from Blake and the words he said. She hated that he spoke the truth, hated that he was so damn smart. “When did you become so smart?” She wasn’t really talking to him in particular, but he took her hand in his regardless, and she clasped it.
“It’s not about being smart, Poppy girl. It’s about knowing which battles you want to fight. Life is way too short.” He tightened his hand and smiled. “I know, without a doubt, that Jon wouldn’t want you to keep all this inside you. It’s eating you up, Poppy, and you need to let it go. You can’t do it for anyone else but yourself.” His big, warm hand landed right over her heart, and her breath stalled. “You have to accept death in order to understand life.”
Chapter 7
Blake felt the steady beat of Poppy’s heart right below his palm. Her eyes held unshed tears, and she blinked rapidly. He could tell she did so to keep them at bay. Her mouth opened and closed several times, but she didn’t say anything.
“What is it?” Over the years, he found out so much about her. Their conversations hadn’t always been about Jon’s death, but the majority of the time they were. Poppy didn’t know how to deal with what she felt and how not having Jon around changed her life. When she wasn’t telling him about the turmoil they felt, Poppy gave him little pieces of herself in her words.
He had loved her, because she was the girl Jon loved, because she was his little brother’s wife, but after speaking with her and feeling their connection grow, he loved Poppy Ellis, the individual she was. How could he not when she had been so important to the one person he cared about the most?
Blake remembered the very first time Jon told him he loved Poppy Mathews at seven years old and that he would marry her. That had been the start of a great romance, one that poems should have been written about. It was the love Jon had for Poppy that made Blake believe in soulmates and love at first sight.
“I didn’t tell you everything, Blake.” Her softly spoken voice drew him out of his thoughts.
“What do you mean?” He still held her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Their relationship was one of open honesty. He would never hold anything back from her, and she knew he was always here to listen. Jon’s death had brought them together in a way that survivors clung to one another. At least that was how Blake felt.
Poppy turned her whole body toward him. The tension that surrounded her was thick, but he didn’t rush her. Obviously, a serious subject matter had just arose, and she deserved his understanding and undivided attention.
“That night, before the accident, Jon and I were fighting.” She closed her eyes, and her face took on a look of pain. “It was so damn stupid. He went to lunch with a female coworker, and I blew it way out of proportion.”
“Poppy—” She shook her head, and he stopped what he was about to say.
“Our last conversation… I’d been pissed at him, all but accusing him of cheating.” The blue of her eyes seemed more intense with her unshed tears.
Blake felt his throat close with emotion.
“Poppy, you know Jon would never have cheated on you.”
She nodded and wiped her tears away. “Of course I know that. It was my own insecurities and jealousy that made me so angry.” When she lifted her eyes to his, the firelight played off the tears slowly sliding down her cheeks.
“Hey, now.” He brushed them away with his thumb and cupped her cheek. Her skin grew warm from the fire. “This is not your fault.” She started shaking her head, and he cupped the other side of her face with his hand. “Poppy. This is not your fault. Do you understand me? The accident, the fighting, was not a result of you doing anything wrong.”
“I know, it’s just—” She took a deep breath. “—I wonder if I hadn’t kept the fight going, then maybe Jon wouldn’t have been so worried about me and the accident may never have happened.”
“Sweetheart.” Blake ran his thumbs under her eyes. “Things happen, no matter what we do. We can’t control the weather, and we certainly can’t control other people’s actions.” The car that had slammed into them had lost control and hit a patch of black ice. When it hit Jon’s car, it caused it to careen out of control and slam so hard against a telephone pole the car had nearly wrapped around it. Poppy had been lucky she lived that day, but because the driver side had been the one to take the impact, his little brother hadn’t been so fortunate. Blake was just glad Jon’s death had been instant. If Jon had suffered, it would have made the grieving process even more arduous.
“I knew as soon as I woke up in the hospital that I lost everything, that I lost Jon. I felt that emptiness right away.” Hard, wracking sobs left her, and Blake pulled her into his lap. Her whole body shook from the force, and he wished he could take the pain away from her.
