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“I’m a coward, Blake.”
“Shhh, Poppy.” He cupped the back of her head and whispered things he wished someone would have said to him when he was hurting. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“There is just so much anger inside me.” Her voice was muffled, and when she lifted her red-rimmed eyes, something inside him clenched with torture. Seeing her upset was so much harder than hearing her tears over the phone. “I feel like I’m drowning in it, Blake. When will it go away so I don’t feel like this?”
He searched her face but didn’t know how to answer. “I don’t know, Poppy. I don’t know.” He pulled her into his chest again and rocked her until her sobs stopped and the even sound of her breathing told him she had fallen asleep.
Chapter 8
Monday morning came and went, and now Blake sat behind his desk Monday evening with a massive headache. He hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, partly due to the storm, but mainly because he couldn’t stop thinking about everything Poppy told him.
He’d lain in bed for hours, listening to shards of ice pelt against his window. The weather mimicked his mood, turbulent and violent.
“You doing okay, Blake?” Maggie asked.
He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes. The pounding behind his eyes matched the steady thumping of his heart. “Yeah, just tired.” His eyes were closed, but he knew Maggie sat in the seat in front of his desk. He could smell the cinnamon bagel she ate and the dust that always seemed to surround her from digging through boxes for samples.
“Did the storm keep you up?”
He sighed and opened his eyes. Her thin wire-rimmed glasses were slightly askew. Her red hair was twisted in a severe bun at her nape, and her thin lips were painted with bright red lipstick. “Yes. No.” Blake let his head fall to the back of his chair and stared at the ceiling. A water stain sat in a brown, dull circle in the corner.
“Everything okay? All day, you haven’t been yourself.” She took a bite of her bagel and watched him.
“Yeah, like I said, I’m just tired.” In all honesty, he hadn’t been able to concentrate today. Poppy was just in the next room over, staying busy with filing samples into the computer system that needed to be up and running by the beginning of the year. Occasionally, he could hear her muttering profanities, and those times he hadn’t been able to hold in his smile.
Something about Poppy calmed him and made everything seem bearable when it shouldn’t be. He knew her pain, because he lived with it also. Two years might have passed, but every morning when he woke up, the agony of knowing he wouldn’t be able to call his brother and see if everything was okay, or plan a guys’ night out the next time he came to visit, hit him full force.
Every day, he woke up wishing it had been him instead of Jon.
“Hey, maybe we can go out again sometime?”
Maggie looked so hopeful he didn’t want to crush whatever ideas she had brewing in her mind. “Maggie, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She looked a bit forlorn, but she quickly schooled her expression and smiled.
“Listen, you’re not feeling the greatest, so I’m going to leave you alone and get back to work.” She stood and smoothed her hands down her pleated pants. She gave him one more smile and left his office.
Sixth months ago, they had gone out on a date. That one had led to another then the two of them in bed together. It had been a mistake, in more ways than one. For one thing, he should have never gotten involved with his coworker. For the second thing, Maggie had grown attached to him after the dates and one night in bed.
He didn’t want to hurt anyone, but being with Maggie had temporarily filled the void inside him. The morning after, he told her they could never do it again. Maggie hadn’t made a scene, and things were still good between them, but every once in a while, she nudged him for something more.
The sound of Poppy cursing again had warmth spreading inside him. He stood and left his office. Blake leaned against the doorframe and watched her. She was bent over the tiny desk, her upper body forward and her face close to the computer screen. He could hear the sound of her fingers flying over the keyboard.
“Well, shit.” Poppy looked at the keys, typed something out, and looked at the screen again.
Maybe he should have made his presence known, but he couldn’t help but sit back and watch her.
“Argh!” She sat back and ran her hands threw her short blonde hair. It looked soft, and his fingers itched to touch the strands.
What the fuck is wrong with you?Blake mentally berated himself for his inappropriate thoughts. The floor creaked as he shifted on his feet, and Poppy turned to look at him.
“Oh hey.” Her cheeks took on a pink hue. “You, uh… you didn’t hear my foul language, did you?”
Blake threw his head back and laughed.God, that feels good. To actually laugh and feel it throughout my whole body.When he looked at Poppy again, her face took on a pretty shade of red, and he grinned wider. “Your face always did show your emotions.”
Despite her emotions, Poppy smiled at him. “So I take it you did hear me swearing up a storm in here?”
“Yeah, but that’s all right. I think it’s funny as hell. Makes for an interesting day.” He stepped into the office and looked at the computer screen. “Everything okay, though?”
Poppy sighed and stared daggers at the screen. “You know, I did advertising for years, worked on the computer for hours a day, and could tell you any program out there and how it worked, but when it comes to organizing samples with crazy-ass names, I’m computer-illiterate.”
