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It was because, by shattering Sara’s heart and becoming a monster in her eyes—that was the only goddamn good thing I’d ever done right by her.
Needing a distraction, I pulled out my phone and dialed Slinky, who answered after two rings.
“Yo, boss, what’s up?” He asked.
“How are things?”
“Didn’t Heavy tell you? I talked to him earlier.”
“Nah, he’s toasted,” I said, and glanced inside. “Why, is something going on?”
“No,” Slinky said with a laugh. “It’s all quiet. And shouldn’t you be partying, too? Why are you callin’ here, man, go enjoy yourself. Dance with a gorgeous woman.”
“Sure,” I muttered. “Thanks, Slinky.”
“You can call up Nilos if you don’t believe me,” he said with another laugh, naming Kir’s cousin who’d become invaluable to our operations, especially since Kir was my shadowconsigliere. And Sicilians, even my family, didn’t take kindly to usurping old school gangster laws like that. But it had been more than necessary in the aftermath of Caleb Hendrix’s death—and the revelation that Caleb had killed old Ivan, head of the Bratva. A gang war had almost broken out and things were only now just calming down.
“It’s not that,” I said. “Thanks for answering. See you in a coupla days.”
“Bye, boss,” Slinky said and hung up.
I heaved a sigh and leaned on the railing, staring out into the dark without seeing it. The past two years, I’d thrown myself into the family business, barely taking a moment to catch my breath—never mind let anything else catch up to me. It had been the only way I could survive, the only way I could move on with the brunette dancing inside.
But times like these, the quiet got too big, and I wanted to go back. I suddenly didn’t give a damn that I’d settled things between the Bratva and theSons of Celt,that the Michaelsonswere doing damn well, with three legitimate enterprises right now, and having cut off a massive arm of the cartels from dealing drugs in our city. Things were quiet, steady, and profitable. I should’ve been happy—or satisfied, but that just made me want to laugh.
You wanted this,said a voice in my head.This was your choice.
My throat suddenly burned with bitterness, and I could hear Sara’s voice, hysterical and pleading and broken in my head.You always have a choice. But you chose—you chose to be a demon. You don’t want to be the man I see—the man I could—
Deep down, where I’d shoved the shattered pieces of myself, my heart, something convulsed. I shouldn’t torture myself like this, but seeing Sara here, wearing that soft dress hugging her curves, her long dark hair, her kissable lips—and that insurmountable distance in her eyes.
You want to destroy yourselfshe’d accused me.And you’re right, I can’t stay by your side and watch that happen.
Only, Sara had witnessed it. I’d destroyed myself those two days we’d spent together.
You deserve this misery, you selfish prick,I told myself.What else did you expect?
“Danny?” Ty appeared next to me and put a hand on my shoulder. “What are you doing out here alone?”
“Just taking a breather,cugino,” I said and straightened with a smile, grabbing him around the neck. “C’mon, what are you doing leaving your blushing bride alone?”
“I wanted to check on you,” Ty said. He glanced inside, and I followed his gaze. By the window, Sara and Lia were dancing together, and I shoved everything deep, deep down. “Did I see you out here with Sara?”
“Yeah, we were just discussing logistics for babysitting Mario,” I said.
Ty gave me a look. “Sure.”
“It’s nothing, Ty,” I said. “Leave it. Let’s get a drink.”
Ty seemed to want to say something else, but I gave him a look that plainly said,this is your wedding night, bro,and he relented. We went in and I toasted my cousin, overwhelmed with joy for him, but also feeling like here, in this beautiful place, among this real love, and good people—I did not belong.
You never belonged, you little shit,Sal hissed again in my head, and I sighed. Maybe it was being back in Italy, but I kept hearing the old man’s nasty sentiments on repeat in my head.
Standing in the corner of the room, watching people dance, and feeling a thousand miles away, I wondered if it was finally time to go face the bastard. To see him old and rotting in that Federalprison, to face my fear of whatever he was, and move on. Ty and Artie had both suggested it over the years, saying it might help.
Pay the guards enough and they’ll leave you alone with him. He’s an asshole, so no one’s gonna blink at a black eye or a coupla bruises.Artie had given me a cold smile after suggesting that.We learned that in Denver.
Maybe it was time. I downed my drink and contemplated starting to put that into action, about to pull out my phone and google visitation when Lia appeared in front of me. She was beautiful in her white gown, alight with happiness as she held out her hands.
