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I turn to face her, my breathing laboured as I struggle to keep my obsession in check. “I... I need to get out of here,” I mutter, backing away from her. “I can’t be around you right now.”
Kayla’s eyes widen in surprise and hurt, and she takes a step back. “What are you talking about? What’s going on?”
“I can’t explain,” I say, my voice choked with emotion. “Just...please, leave me alone for a while.”
I turn and run from the room, heading for the changing rooms, leaving Kayla behind. I know I’ve hurt her, but I can’t help it. The darkness inside me is too powerful, too all-consuming. I need to find a way to get myself under control.
As I enter the locker room, I’m met with silence. I quickly strip off my wet clothes and grab a towel from the clean pile, wrapping it tightly around my waist. I need to get out of here, away from Kayla, before I lose control completely.
But as I turn to leave, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My eyes are wild, my skin pale and clammy. The cancer inside me is growing, feeding on my fear and obsession. I can feel it taking over, consuming me.
I don’t want to let him out.
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to calm myself. But it’s no use. The darkness inside me is too strong. I need to find a way to fight it, before it obliterates me.
I open my eyes and see a razor blade lying on the bench beside me. My hand reaches out for it before I can even think. The metallic glint of the blade sends a surge of excitement through me. I’ve found my weapon. I don’t even question why it’s there or where it came from.
Weak. Pathetic. Despicable.
I lift the blade to my wrist, tracing the cool metal along my skin. The darkness inside me roars with approval, urging me to end it all. But a small voice inside me, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Kayla’s, tells me to fight it. To not give in to my fears and obsessions. To not lethimwin.
With a shaky hand, I lower the blade and take a step back, my breathing ragged. I need to get out of here, away from the temptation. Maybe if I can just get some fresh air, clear my head, I can find a way to fight back.
I make my way to the door, my heart pounding in my chest, and push it open. But instead of the cool night air, I’m met with darkness. Thick, suffocating darkness that seems to swallow me up.
Panic sets in, and I stumble backwards, trying to find my way back to the light. But it’s no use. The darkness is all around me, seeping into my skin and wrapping itself around me like a boa constrictor. Laying claim to what it wants. It wants to take over me, so that it can have her. Kayla.
No!
I throw myself at the door, trying desperately to push my way out, scratching and clawing at the handle. But it’s no use. The darkness won’t let me out, and it won’t let me fight.
And then I hear a voice, my own voice, but different. I’m taunting myself, mocking myself. But it’s not me, it’shim. “This is what you want,” it says. “Who you are. Face it or be consumed.”
I listen to my own voice, as the darkness closes in around me. I’m scared, but at the same time, I’m excited. I know what I have to do.
I take a deep breath and turn the blade to my arm, slicing it open. The blade makes a sharp, metallic sound as it meets my skin, leaving a trail of red ice in its wake. My obsession demands blood, and I’m happy to give it what it wants.Myblood though. Not hers.
Never hers.
I watch my blood pour, swirling into the centre drain like a whirlpool and the cancer inside me stirs, its hunger quickly being sated.
I raise my arm above my head, watching as my blood flows out.
Ever since I was little, my mum would tell me if I cut my arm above my heart, I’d be bleeding out love. But I know better now. I’m not bleeding out love, I’m bleeding out my obsession. My craving. No one can love me unless I’m in control.
The darkness has taken everything from me. My father left me when I was young. My friends dropped me, one by one. I don’t have a future outside of the four walls of the asylum. And I never had any luck with the ladies.
Until her.
The thought makes me realise that this ismylife, and I’m taking it back. I know Kayla is right. I need to face my fears, before they consume me. I’ve given into them far too much in the past, and I’ve suffered for it. Now I’m ready to fight back.
The darkness inside me draws back a little, satisfied that it has its prey right where it wants it. I’ve given in to it for so long, it thinks I’m easy. That I’m already halfway gone.
Now it is time to show it thatI’min control.
“Fight back,” I whisper into the darkness. “Let me show you who’s really in charge.”
It doesn’t take long before the cancer inside me is tamed, but it feels like a battle has waged within me for hours. He’s never gone, just wrestled into submission until the next time he rears his head and fights his way out.
