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Kids were a sore spot in our relationship. Possibly even the weakened support beam that led to our collapse. He wanted. I didn’t. I was too unsure of what a good parent looked like to be confident enough that I’d make a good one myself, so it feels weird—almost like I’ve been betrayed—to see him so natural in the role of doting dad.
Our eyes lock as they pass. He holds my gaze for longer than a second, and I think part of me expects him to stop. To acknowledge me and the four years we spent together. But he continues on his way as if I’m simply a stranger, not the least bit affected.
I can’t say the same thing for me.
“Friend of yours?” Dax asks, reminding me that he’s here, watching me have a mild meltdown about my ex-boyfriend.
“Was,” I answer honestly. “In another life.”
I’m acutely aware of the way Dax’s eyes shift over my shoulder, presumably to where Stuart is still walking down the sidewalk.
“Do you want to tell me about him?”
Oh god, is that ever a question.
I take Dax’s hand, and we walk a few blocks to the south end of Trinity Bellwoods Park, finding an empty bench under a tree next to a pickup Ultimate Frisbee game. Dax takes the seat beside me and waits.
“I feel like I just got a glimpse of what my future could have been,” I tell him.
He nods as if what I’m saying isn’t completely wild. “Is it a life you want?”
“No.” There’s no hesitation in my reaction. None at all.
“Even the guy?” There’s a vulnerability in Dax’s voice.
“Especially the guy.” I shift my body to face Dax, tucking my leg under my knee and scooting close so I can attempt to explain how my reaction wasn’t about wanting Stuart at all. It was just shock. And it was my brain making that final click into place, sorting through my changing feelings about Dax.
“I think he may have been one of those decisions you were talking about earlier. Where my heart knew it wasn’t right but my head overruled with practical reasons why I should stay in that relationship. And I need to explain something to you. It might not make complete sense, but I need you to roll with it.”
Dax nods.
“I want you, Dax. Every day it becomes even more clear to me how stupid I’ve been. I am better when I am with you. That whole meltdown I had before lunch, where I looked into my future and freaked the fuck out, and then you Master Yoda’d me into realizing what I really want? I need that in my life. I need you in my life. You are good for me, and I’m hoping I can be as good for you.”
Dax’s hand cups the side of my face. He doesn’t say a word, but he pulls me toward him, and our foreheads meet for a few moments before my lips meet his for a long kiss.
I realize two things.
This very moment, here, might be the happiest of my entire life.
And in my other one, it never would have happened.
Chapter 22
I sleep throughmost of the train ride home with my head on Dax’s shoulder, content with the world around me.
Dax walks me home from the station. We have a quick sidewalk make-out before he heads off to curling. Sunny, Dougie, and Brandon are all available to play this evening. My substitutional services are not needed, so I head over to Aunt Livi’s place to hang out.
Although her bookstore is closed for the day, there’s a group of about ten women gathered in a circle, matching paperbacks in their laps, each holding a lit candle. Weird for normal people. Not so weird for Aunt Livi.
Not wanting to interrupt, I gesture to Aunt Livi that I will let myself upstairs. She hands her candle to a heavyset woman with wild curls and meets me at the entrance to the back hallway.
“You had a good day with Daxon, I see.” Her tone is more comment than question, and although I’m tempted to ask how she knew he’d turn up, I know her well enough to know that even if I ask, I won’t get a straight answer.
“We had the best day.” I’m still high on the memories. “It feelslike my life is finally falling into place. I don’t really know how to explain it.”
My perfect mood is temporarily marred as Aunt Livi’s eyes shift to something behind me and her face clouds for the briefest of moments.
“I love that for you, poodle. But maybe you should head upstairs. And be quick about it.”
