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“You know me, I have no plans to get married, like, ever,” I said. “You know all about my mother’s history.”
“I’m not talking about your mom, and that’s why there are therapists, you can work all that shit out. You. Don’t you marry that guy.”
And when I pressed him, asked why on earth not, he clammed up. Made some excuse about being joking. But the hum of something else had fallen over us for a moment, and it wasn’t something easily forgotten.
* * *
“The ring looks beautiful on your hand, Kelly,” Camille said.
“Thank you,” I said. “I wish I’d had time for a better manicure.” More laughs. Rob looked so happy.
Camille chattered on about obstetricians, family names, and engagement parties. Arthur even cracked a joke about Camille ordering the catering for all the upcoming parties the moment this dinner was over. I added, “Why wait until then, let’s look at some menus now.”
That tickled the entire table.See, I told myself,I can do this.
After dinner, I lay alone in the huge guest room bed while Rob caught up with his father and brother over scotch. I held my hand up in front of my face. The ringwasspectacular. It glistened in the soft light of the bedroom and made my hand look elegant. Slipping it off, I put it back in the velvet-lined box and placed it on the bedside table. Turning onto my other side, I decided I’d leave the ring in the box. How had I ended up with all the things in life I’d promised myself I would never choose now standing before me? I was now the proud owner of a gorgeous ring from an equally gorgeous fellow. I was lucky enough to have a sort of well-paying job adjacent (in a way) to an industry I wanted to be a part of, and even if I hated the work, I got up every day like I was supposed to and worked hard. And now I had the opportunity to become a full-fledged member of the Morris family.
Of all the days to halfway propose, Rob had chosen Christmas Eve, forever making an anniversary of the holiday a story for all the ages of our relationship. I could have killed him. Turning back the other way, I stared at the blinking clock—it was one o’clock. Rob must be two or three scotches deep with his father and brother by now, all of them likely raiding Camille’s meticulously organized and labeled leftovers.
For a crazy moment I wondered if Garrett had gone back to the office. He worked all kinds of odd hours, often screening during the holidays because it was quiet, and he liked the solitude andThe Shining–like nature of the building when the lights were turned off and no one else was there. I could call him and break every work-boyfriend rule, the most important being that what happened at work stayed at work, and what happened at home belonged at home. But he wouldn’t be there this late on Christmas Eve, even if he and Jen hadn’t flown back to the West Coast this year.
I grabbed my BlackBerry and sent Garrett a quick note.You will never believe what happened at dinner. Turns out I’m that kind of girl. We’re engaged.
I clicked off my phone and concentrated hard on the ceiling. All this drama in my head, and Istillhad to make it through Christmas and Boxing Day, and then my worlds would spectacularly collide. I’d get to see Garrett in person, show him the ring, work up to asking him what he thought about it all, while begging my heart to keep it light and innocent. Right now, though, right now, I had to stop thinking of him as an escape hatch for my life.
The door slid open over the plush carpet and Rob came into the room. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, and then climbed into the bed beside me.
He lay back with his arms above his head and quietly said, “I know you don’t want to get married. And that whole holiday-dinner spectacle has probably enraged you, but it meant so much to my mother. She’s had it all planned for weeks, the double announcement celebration. That’s why it was so important for us to get here on time tonight.” He continued, “She’s controlling, and you hate that, and I promise, no pressure, but I do want you to have that ring. I want you to know that I love you and want to be with you for the long haul.”
I opened my mouth, but he kept going. “We’ve made it this far, and it’s terrific. I didn’t know I could love someone for this long and want to love them for even longer. I know we’re long haulers, but I don’t want to call you my girlfriend when we’re forty.”
“I hear you,” I said. “I will say this, I’ll think about it. Seriously and consciously, and with an open mind.”
“You’re wicked awesome.”
“Did you watchGood Will Huntingwith your dad and brother?”
“Hmmmm.” Rob tugged me over by the waist to the middle of the bed, slipped his hand into the bottoms of my pajamas, and rested it on my thigh. “Yes, yes, I did.”
As I lay there nestled into his familiar body, I understood there were good and bad times for arguments, and that this was not the former. My mind rolled over the thought of a big wedding with so many details out of my control. Camille and my mother coming into contact with one another. Annie’s opinions. My own reservations about the finality of it all. Again, like with Garrett, the words were out before I could put my tongue on pause. “I hate it all: the white dress, the flowers, the aisle, the bridal showers. Ugh, a reception line.”
“You aren’t a fortune teller,” Rob said. “You don’t know how our wedding or our marriage could turn out. Not every husband is like your dad. Look at your mom and Carl, they’ve made it work. We’ve been together for so long, Kelly. I can’t wait another decade for you to get over whatever it is holding you back. What if you get sick or I get sick, or something happens? I want us to be a family and face it all together.”
“Not every marriage is likeyourparents’ either.” I hated whisper-shouting. I hated that I was whisper-shouting on Christmas Eve about a massive diamond ring that was likely worth more than my whole post-secondary education. “Who cares what we call each other? It’s what we mean to each other that matters. I don’t need a piece of paper for me to think our relationship is serious. And I certainly don’t need that ring.”
“They want to buy us a house.”
“What?Didn’t we go through this with the condo? Your parents are not buying us a house.”
“My father’s selling off some of his other real estate—the triplex and three of the condos. They’re using the money to buy us a house because that’s what they gave Audrey and Stephen when they got married. You know my parents: everything needs to be fair. Every time we talk she asks if I’ve managed to convince you about ‘the marriage question.’ She thought seeing the ring might do the trick. And it’s an estate situation. My dad needs to divest some of the money in a way that helps his taxes.”
“We don’tneeda house. We have the condo. What on earth would we do with a house? And where would we buy one? I’m certainly not living up here. I don’t want to move out of our neighborhood.”
“Translation,” Rob said, “you don’t want to move away from Max and your coffee shop.”
“That’s part of it. Ilikeour life. I don’t need your parents to buy me a house. They don’t understand how I need to do these things myself.”
“Okay, okay, we don’t need to fight about it now—my mother thought it would be a perfect wedding present.”
