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Kyle pushed himself to a stand and exhaled hard. “Fuck,” he hissed. “Dammit, I’m sorry, Laney. Here, come here.” He pulled her up to join him. He grabbed a throw blanket from the chair and wrapped it around her. He stalked into the kitchen to grab another bottle of wine.
Laney shivered under the blanket. She didn’t know why she couldn’t just shut up. Kyle returned, with a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other. She gave him a small smile and was relieved when it was returned. He looked embarrassed, and she wanted to make it right.
“I’m not very good at this talking thing, clearly.”
“We’re both a bit out of practice.” He poured two glasses, handed her one, then took a big gulp. “Two years, remember?”
“Try twelve.” She grimaced.
“So you really haven’t had a real relationship since we broke up?” He looked incredulous. “How did you fend them off?”
“I wasn’t a nun.” She took a sip of wine, then another. She glanced over at Kyle. He was beautiful, his long torso corded with muscles earned through manual labour, his abs tight and defined even as he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. She curved her hand around his bulging bicep and it flexed against her palm. “There haven’t been that many guys.”
He waved his hand. “I don’t…I lost the right to care about that a long time ago.”
She didn’t argue. It was true, but it wasn’t the only truth. “I don’t like the idea of you being with anyone else either.”
“Then why did you ask about Crystal? Why torture yourself?”
“Because I don’t want to be jealous. I don’t like that feeling. I don’t like feelings in general.”
Kyle turned toward her on the couch. The candle flickered, bouncing light off the side of his face and she sucked in a breath. His profile was beautiful, but full-on, his appeal was more base. He went from a statue to a hot blooded man, from fantasy to reality. Sexy, scary reality.
“I don’t think that’s true, Laney.” The words slid between them quietly, and he reached through them to caress her naked shoulder. “You like to feel me inside of you.”
Her breath hitched. “That’s different.”
“Is it?” he murmured, tracing the line of her neck up to her jaw. He rubbed his fingers back and forth there, tipping her head to the side. He shifted closer and lowered his mouth to where her neck and shoulder meet.
She whimpered, the sound vibrating against his lips.
“Tell me this isn’t a real feeling.”
She couldn’t. Her pulse sped up and he laid his palm flat on her chest. “In time, you’ll want to feel here again.”
Laney shook her head. She laced her fingers into Kyle’s and pulled his hand lower to rest on her abdomen. “The agony here? I don’t like to feel that. And it’s inevitable, so this?” She pointed at her heart. “That’s off limits. To everyone.”
He didn’t say anything until she went to move away. He pulled her closer instead and lowered his face so their foreheads pressed together. “That’s my fault, then, and I’m sorry. To you, and all the men out there that probably want to love you. They’re missing out.”
She sniffed, and she realized that she was crying. Fuck. That wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go down. He wiped her face with his hands and kissed her damp cheek. He meant it to comfort her, she knew that, but crying in front of him crossed a line. She felt way too vulnerable.
“I think I should go,” Laney whispered, and Kyle nodded. She climbed off the couch, feeling clumsy as she searched for her shirt. She took her time putting it on and waited until she was composed before turning back to face him. “Well, it’s been real.”
He was across the room before she could crack a smile, and he hauled her into his arms. His hands gripped her shoulders, and uncomfortable heat radiated through her shirt. His gaze smouldered, and it took him a few moments to pull words together. “Don’t make light of it, Laney. I get why you’re leaving, but…fuck. You make me crazy.”
Her gasp was cut off as he kissed her, bruising her lips. Probably her heart too. But Laney had tasted enough honesty for one night, so she buried that thought deep in the vault. His tongue pushed hard against hers, then softened, and she sank into the kiss. They were much better at this than they were at talking. Regret, longing and frustration flowed between them, and too quickly Kyle stepped away, and she stumbled at the loss. The scent of a date swirled around them, a mix of clean bodies, fancy drug store brands and fresh arousal, reminding her just how far off course the evening had gone. Without looking at her, he grabbed at his shirt and headed for the entryway. She followed, stuffing herself into winter gear. Kyle opened the door and she fled, not looking back.
Chapter 13
Claire was reading in the living room when Laney got back. She closed her book but didn’t get up. “How was dinner?”
Laney shrugged and made a little grimace. “About as well as one might expect dinner with an ex-boyfriend to go.”
It wasn’t a lie. And it was all she was going to share. She waved her mother back to her book and headed upstairs. Evie had fallen asleep in the boys’ room during story time, and Laney pulled the door closed, not wanting to wake any of them up. She needed a long, hot soak in the tub.
The bubbly heat warmed her from the inside out, but it didn’t do anything to shake the discontent. She dunked under the water and shook her head, her hair floating around her like bands of ribbon. Where had the evening gone wrong? The more she thought about fighting with Kyle, and leaving him without resolving the tension that had been brewing between them, the worse she felt. She hated that uneasy niggle at the back of her neck, but she didn’t know how to make it go away.
She had to admit that tonight revealed they still had a lot of unresolved issues, and it was probably impossible to have a no-strings attached fling with her ex. Her stomach flipped at the idea that whatever was going on between them was now over.
