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The unintended pout in his last words tugged at her gut. He didn’t seem to notice as he wrapped a warm arm around her waist and nuzzled his face into her neck. Then he took over, lifting a large wedge of cake onto the plate and gestured for her to follow him to the bed area, now bathed in the soft glow of his reading lamp. They climbed onto the mattress and sat facing each other, cross-legged, with the blanket covering their laps, the plate resting on Kyle’s knee between them. He offered her the first bite, and she closed her eyes as the tangy flavours rioted across her tongue. It was smooth and sweet, with a hint of citrus. Lemon? No, lime. Heavy enough to be decadent, but it melted in her mouth and she groaned for more.
“Where on earth did you get this?” She plucked the last bit of ginger biscuit crust off the plate with nimble fingers. As Kyle pouted, she waved her hand to the kitchen. “Oh no! You want more, it’s out there. This bite is all mine.”
“It’s amazing, eh? Carrie offers a limited number of take-home desserts every day. She’s a goddess.” Laney arched her eyebrow, and Kyle let out a gentle laugh. “She’s also my sister-in-law. She owns the bakery in town. Bun in the Oven?”
She let out a sigh of relief and the laughter grew. Dammit. “The redhead. Karen’s best friend.” He nodded, lips still twitching in mirth. “Right. I met her when I was in town on Christmas Eve, she seems lovely.”
Kyle set the plate aside and tugged her toward him for a soft kiss. “You’re lovely.”
“I can’t bake like this. Or at all.”
“You don’t need to, that’s why we have Carrie in our lives.”
He meant his family, but the inadvertent reference to the two of them as a single unit still did something funny in her chest. “It’s a bit far for me to drive just for cheesecake.”
“There’s more for you here than just dessert.” This time the suggestion was clear and deliberate, and that funny feeling crystalized into bittersweet pain. Kyle flicked off the light and tugged her into the crook of his arm. “I don’t want to freak you out, or push you, at all. I like you, a lot, and I don’t see why this—” he waved his hand over their bodies “—needs to be a one-time thing.”
Laney swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, and she willed herself not to cry. If she cried, she would run away, and much to her surprise, she didn’t want to do that this time. She wanted to tough out this conversation and get to the other side. “Oh, Kyle,” she said with a heavy breath. “I don’t see how it can be anything but. My life is in Chicago, and that’s not going to change.”
“You don’t see yourself ever moving back home?” Kyle asked the big question without judgment or expectation, and a tiny fissure split the surface of her heart. Every step of her career had taken her further from Wardham, from Kyle, and now she was realizing too late that she didn’t leave an emergency hatch in the master plan. Even if they explored a long-distance relationship, her life had no room for compromise. No room for her to be the true partner that Kyle deserved. She couldn’t lead him on. She took a deep breath, and swallowed past the growing knot.
“It would be impossible.” She shook her head. “I can practice plastic surgery a bit closer, but more cosmetic stuff. I work with a cleft palate reconstruction team at the children’s hospital…”
“And there’s nothing like that here.” To her surprise, Kyle nodded. “You feel really strongly about making a difference for those children.”
“How did you...” Laney pulled her head up and stared at Kyle.
He shrugged. “Twitter.”
She sank into his chest. His heartbeat was slow and steady. Why was he not more shaken by the conversation? Another fissure slithered into existence and she blinked hard. His hand stroked up and down her back, calm and sure, and nothing made sense. “Kyle...”
“Shhh. It’s okay.”
It wasn’t, and she didn’t know how to fix it. “I wish we had more time.”
“I’ll come and visit you. March Break maybe, or the summer.”
Yes, please. She selfishly wanted to block off all long weekends and holidays in both of their calendars. Shame flooded her gut at the half-life she could offer him. “Is that a good idea?”
“Is it a bad idea?”
“There’s no happy ending for us.” Her voice cracked. “Probably easier to deal with that now and figure out a way to stay friends.”
Kyle didn’t say anything, but he kept stroking her back as if she hadn’t just tried to break up with him. The silence stretched, and she realized he wasn’t going to respond.
“Kyle?”
“Laney?” She swore she could hear a smile in his voice, and she twisted around to see his face. He gazed back at her with a curious look. “Do we need to have this conversation right now?”
She didn’t know when would ever be a good time. Never. Stop trying to break up with him. Move back to Wardham and have all of his babies. This time the fissure wasn’t so small, and as her heart split in two, she felt the first tear slip down the side of her nose.
“No, no, no. Damn it, why are you crying?” Kyle rolled her underneath him, holding himself up above her body with his forearms. He nuzzled her nose with his, grabbing her gaze.
“I can’t give you what you want.”
“I want you.”
“You want your own family photo to add to the collection on the fridge.” She sniffed, her breath hitching in her chest. “You want kids and a life here. Family dinners and the like.”
