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“Feck, that’s not what I… do I make you nervous?”
“You? Of course not,” He stared up at me and his eyes looked hurt. “Why would you ever think that?”
I shrugged. “You’ve been kinda jumpy ever since you saw me.”
“It’s been a rough few weeks. I’m out of sorts.”
I didn’t buy his explanation.
As if sensing my unease, he touched my forearm. I resisted the urge to place my other hand on top of his.
“Are you comfortable on board?” Charlie murmured.
“Yeah, why?”
“Everyone around here likes you. Are you intimidating at first glance? To some people. But not to me. Never. And once people get to know you, they see how great you are. You’re kind and sweet. Even your grumpiness is endearing.”
Charlie’s unexpected compliment had me lighting up like the biggest and brightest Christmas tree. No one, outside of my fam, had ever spoken about me like that.
“Thanks, Char. I value our friendship.”
“I do too.”
Charlie sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his bicep bulging.
“But I’ve been such a dick.” Charlie sat down on my bunk and patted the mattress. “Sit, let’s talk.”
I sat beside him and felt the mattress depress way too much for my liking. The groan of the frame let me know that I wouldn’t be lasting long on it.
Both Charlie and I looked at each other and nervously chuckled.
“I don’t play games with people. You know that about me,” he stated, and I nodded. “I admit, I was startled when I saw you tonight. I knew a bodyguard was coming on board and I hoped it would be you, but also, after I stopped texting you, I was embarrassed. I still feel like a total shit about what I did. And it was all me, or rather something I was dealing with. I needed some space to think. I wanted to reach out but—”
Charlie paused and licked his lips again, a nervous tell.
“It’s okay.” I paused and looked in his eyes. “I wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk to anyone myself. To be honest, I’ve been unhappy for a long time, but I didn’t want to face it. I’ve had depression for ages. Training helped in the beginning, but the more I fought, the worse I felt. Not to mention, I don’t like talking about it. And I think part of my struggle is that I’m still trying to figure out who I am. After the trip to Thailand, I finally started to realize some things.”
“Like what?”
“My personal life has been rubbish.”
“You mean, dating?”
“Yeah, well, my sex life. Or lack of.”
My face heated but I didn’t look away from him.
“Whatever it is, you know you can tell me. If you want.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. Staring into his deep blues, I felt a calm wash over me. “I think I’m bisexual.”
Charlie sat still.
“Okay,” he finally replied. “Have you talked about this with anyone? I mean, besides me?”
“Only my brother. I… I have a hard time connecting with people. In general. And when it comes to sex, I have the same issue. It takes me a while to, you know, warm up. I gotta feel that pull first. I’m pretty sure I’m bi and demi, maybe pan?”
“Did you meet someone? Is that why you’re questioning things?”
