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Chloe
It’s latewhen Landon gets home. I’d already put Allayah to bed and just stepping out of the shower when he enters our bedroom. There I stand in the doorway with a towel wrapped around my body and instantly I can tell something is wrong.
His shoulders sag, and he has a sadness in his eyes that make my chest ache.
He holds my stare, and I don’t move, only give him the time I believe he needs.
He takes a deep breath then moves toward me, cupping my face with his hands. “I love you,” his voice is shaking and his lip trembles. Seeing him like this does something to me, something I can’t quite put into words.
Landon is not the kind of man that bears his heartaches. He is strong and sure and this,thisis crippling.
“I love you so much that I can barely breathe at the idea of one day not having you, or not being here with you,” he shakes his head, unable to finish his words. I am baffled, I don’t know what’s happened but I know whatever it is has left him shaken.
His lips press against mine and I close my eyes accepting his kiss.
“You are my world,” he whispers against my lips. “You and Allayah, I adore the two of you. You are my light.”
With that he carefully loosens the towel around my body and it falls to the floor. His hands roam over my body, stopping at my hips to lead me over to our bed. Feeling the mattress at the back of my legs he hooks my waist and lowers me to the bed.
I stare up at him, as his gaze roams over me slowly. I watch in awe as he grabs his shirt and lifts it over his head, dropping it to the floor.
My pulse quickens, my body comes alive as I watch him remove the rest of his clothes and he crawls up the bed, positioning himself over me.
He holds my stare, and part of me wants to ask him what’s happened, but knowing more than anything he needs this. I know he’ll tell me, he always shares his bad days, needing to get out what’s eating him up inside, but first he needs to feel grounded.Iground him.
The very moment he pushes inside of me, my back arches and I hold my breath, trying to adjust.
“You and me, baby,” he whispers, “youandme.” He repeats as he begins to move, my thoughts bouncing all over the place. Landon makes love to me, there is nothing hurried about his movements, nothing frantic or desperate. I feel like this is more of an emotional connection than a physical one, which only terrifies me more.
Landon is a sexual man; he shares his feelings but it's rare, as he thinks he has to remain strong while everyone else falls apart. I hate that he places all that on his shoulders, one can’t keep things bottled up without one day bursting. I don’t want him to burst, the idea of that frightens me. Not because I’m scared, but more worried of what that may do to the man I love.
Hours later, after he is spent and lightly snoring at my side I remain fully awake, unable to shut off my racing mind. He is withdrawn, normally he holds me close, almost like he needs to feel me to sleep soundly. Only now he sleeps on his back, slightly turned away, his arms and hands tucked in close to his body and his legs on his own side of the bed.
My chest feels so tight.
I don’t like this separated feeling.
I fight the tears pooling in my eyes and I know I’m on the verge of falling apart, so I slide out from beneath the covers and tiptoe out of our bedroom, finding my way to the couch. Grabbing the oversized blanket I wrap it around me securely and tuck myself into the corner, leaning my head on the back of the couch.
The moon shines in through the back windows, as I stare at the family photo on the table near the back wall. Landon sits on the floor, me sitting between his parted knees, leaning back into his body as I hold Laya and we are both looking down at her. Our little angel, created in love and that is the moment I find it impossible to hold back any longer.
The tears spill over and run along my cheeks.
“What are you doing?” My body jerks in response to the sound of his voice and I hurry to right myself. Quickly wiping away the tears, I look through the darkness of the room and see Landon standing in the opening of the hallway, with his hands on his hips. He wears only his boxers, his hair sticking out all over from sleep.
“Nothing,” I say, realizing I have yet to answer him. “Just couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake you.”
Landon doesn’t say anything, but instead starts to walk across the room toward me. I focus on my breathing, hoping that he doesn’t pick up on the fact that I’ve been crying. I know the man I married that will be a breaking point, he hates to see me cry. He hates it worse when he knows it's triggered by him.
“Baby,” the tone of his voice confirms that I don’t hide my worries well.
Within seconds he’s on the couch next to me, reaching out to pull my body in closer to his. Brushing my hair from my face and rests his forehead on mine. “It’s not us,” he says and my lower lip trembles. “You and me, we’re unbreakable.”
I nod, though I’m unsure, because right now I feel like the two of us are so far apart.
“I miss him,” Landon sounds confused and I feel his body sag against mine. “My father and I butted heads daily, we were both stubborn as hell and neither felt we should give in, but damnit Chloe, I even fucking miss arguing with the man.”
I lean back and see that his eyes are shining with tears.
