AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But it isn’t a smart move. I don’t even know if she would want that. I don’t come alone. I’m a package deal and it’s a lot to ask someone to sign on for a new relationship and a potential kid at the same time. It’s obvious that Hattie loves Ollie, but being the fun playmate and being the maybe step-mom are way different.
So, yeah, it isn’t a smart move, like I said.
So, why am I padding down the hallway towards her room?This is stupid. This is stupid. This is really fucking stupid. I pause in front of her door, heart thudding against my chest like a drum. I raise my hand to knock, but freeze. Some tiny bit of control remains intact and I grip onto it like my life depends on it. I grit my teeth and close my eyes. I can’t do it. I can’t make my knuckles wrap against the wood. I shake myself and quickly back away, silently bolting back to my room and leaning back against the door, panting like I just did line drills.
“Fuck,” I whisper, knowing that this was going to be the longest night of my life.
Chapter Nine
Hattie
I flop back onto my stomach for the third time. Nope. To the back again. It’s too hot under these covers, so I kick them off in an annoyed huff. Now I’m cold.Fuck. I can’t sleep, can’t stop thinking about the fact that I’m sleeping in Connor’s house, in his fucking clothes. The old t-shirt is soft and smells like him, his detergent mixed with the faintest trace of his cologne, making this all so much worse. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I’m thinking about him this way when I’ve been totally fine for the most part in the past two months. Of course, I’ve known and appreciated how attractive he is all this time, and I’d had wayward thoughts here and there, maybe a few dirty ones, but it hasn’t been this…distractinguntil tonight.
Now, all I can think about is the fact that he’s only a few feet down the hall. Does he sleep shirtless? Does he sleep in anything at all? I cover my face with my hands and groan. What in the hell is my problem? I’ve slept in the same house as male friends before. I had guy roomies senior year of college for fuck’s sake. And I never laid there pining like a crazy person the whole time, as if I’m unable to be near a penis without wanting to jump its owner in the dead of night.
That’s because you didn’t want to be more than friends with any of themthat stupid voice in the back of my mind says.
I don’t think I can go down that road with Connor though. We have a connection, a deep one, there’s no denying that, but he’s also a single dad and a professional athlete who’s on the road half the year, and I’m…I don’t know what I am, other than afraid. I don’t even know precisely of what. Getting hurt I guess? I don’t know. I don’t want to try to be more with Connor and then lose him as a friend if we mess it up. And after Josh, I don’t know that I trust myself anymore. I hate him a little for making me question that part of myself, to wonder if every relationship is going to turn out as badly as ours did.
But that moment by the door, and the one before that on the couch that first night I came over and he told me about losing his sister and adopting Ollie…there’ssomethingbetween me and Connor that’s hard to explain, something more than friendship. It’s heavy and intense and holds the promise of something terrifyingly epic.
And that’s not even talking about the physical.
Watching him chop down that tree earlier was strangely arousing, making me feel hot despite standing in the freezing cold. The way the muscles in his arms and back moved and flexed as he swung the axe. His hair had toppled over his forehead, beads of sweat dripping down his temples. His gaze had been hard and intense, the way it is during games. There was just something so ruggedly masculine about it, something so damn sexy, I could barely stop myself from reaching out to touch him, to brush the hair away from his face, to run my hands down his broad chest as it heaved from the exertion of chopping down the tree.
I’d barely been able to keep my eyes off of him all day after that, watching him hang decorations and lift Ollie to reach the top of the tree, stealing cookies from the plate as quickly as Ollie and I could decorate them, humming quietly to the Christmas music without even seeming to realize he was doing it. Just like he’d said his mom used to do. He’d looked so happy, and I was fairly certain I’d seen him stealing glances my way as often as I was stealing them at him.
But that could just be all physical from his perspective. He might want to fuck, but that doesn’t mean he wants anything more. Would I be ok with that? Could I do the friends-with-benefits thing? Normally, yes. But with Connor? No, I don’t think I could, because deep down I know that I have feelings for him that would get all kinds of confused if we hooked up. I’ve been pushing them away over the past couple of weeks, but they’re there, I can’t deny it. They may be passing, they may never turn into anything, but they’re there.
Today had been an amazing day, and I’d felt such a deep sense of contentment, of belonging and family, that it had made it hard to breathe for a minute. I’d let myself imagine, just for a second, that this was my actual life. That Connor and Ollie and I were arealfamily. It fell into place in my mind as easy as taking my next breath. I know how insane that sounds, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
But.
There’s always a fucking but, isn’t there?
But—I’m the one who said friends and nothing more. I’m the one who wasn’t sure a relationship with anyone, let alone a professional hockey player, was a good idea. And I’m the one who’s terrified of losing Connor. So, not taking the risk and staying just friends is the right choice, really. I know it.
Yet, suddenly I’m tiptoeing down the hallway towards his door, telling myself how stupid it is the whole way.Stupid, but worth it?I bite my lip, imagining all the ways it’ll be worth it…
Before I can wrap my knuckles lightly on the door, it swings open. Connor stands there and his lips part when he sees me. We both stand frozen for a heartbeat before I move forward, going up onto my tiptoes, fisting his shirt in my hands, and yanking him down to kiss me. He tenses in surprise, but then, his kisses me back with a passion that sets every inch of my body on fire. His lips are hot and hard against mine, demanding everything I have. Has he been thinking about this as much as I have?
He tunnels one hand in my hair and the other slides down my side, landing on my hip and pulling me towards him. His tongue thrusts against mine and I groan, twisting the front of his shirt harder in my fingers. He walks us backwards, his hand moving from my hip to slide over my ass. He squeezes and groans low in his throat, his chest rumbling beneath my hand. I grin against his lips. I had a feeling he was an ass man. I gasp when he yanks the old sweatpants off me, not even slowing his steps, and he chuckles. I maneuverer out of them easily just before he backs into the bed, sitting on the edge when his knees hit it. He pulls me into his lap and I straddle his waist, hissing in a harsh breath when I settle down against him. I can feel him hard as steel, only the thin silk of my panties and his lounge pants between us.
“Mmm,” I mutter, wrapping my arms around his neck as he kisses along my throat. I rock my hips as he continues his divine torture, his lips and tongue scorching a path along my skin, his scruff tickling ever so slightly. He runs his hands underneath the hem of my shirt, his fingers brushing over my stomach and slowly inching upward.
"Hattie," he breathes.Hattie? He never calls me that.I don't think about it too much, just writhe in his lap as his fingers grip my back as I move. I roll my hips over and over, the friction hitting just the right spots. I can't stop, don't want to stop. My body tenses and I'm climbing, climbing, climbing…
My eyes fly open just as the orgasm rips through me. I dig my fingers into the sheets and bury my face in the pillow, terrified that somehow Connor will hear my panting breaths from down the hall. My heart thunders as I lie there in shock.
"Oh my God," I whisper, brushing damp hair off my forehead. I'd just come—hard—from a dirty dream about Connor. I throw my arms over my face, my stomach still fluttering and the orgasm still sending little aftershocks through my core. "Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck."
This snow storm is going to be the death of me.
Ollie thinks that the blizzard is the most amazing thing to ever happen. She loves snow, it keeps her beloved uncle from leaving her for another few days, and I’m there to be an extra playmate until everything is cleared up.
“Best day ever!” she yells when we explain why I’m still here and that I’d be staying until the snow let up. I feel the need to make it very clear that I’m staying in the guest room, and hope that Connor doesn’t catch the flush of my cheeks. Flashes of the dream flutter through my mind and I quickly busy myself stirring the pancake batter.
As the morning wears on, I recover from my little nocturnal adventure, and decide that it isn't that big a deal. Dirty dreams are just a part of life, a perfectly healthy part, might I add, and Connor is hot as hell—I'm not going to sit here and deny that. So, yeah, it's fine, and once I make peace with that, I relax and the day is fantastic. I have my first official snowball fight, build my first snowman, experience my first bout of near-frostbite in my toes. Ok, so that’s aslightexaggeration, but I whimper dramatically as the feeling painfully returns to my feet in front of the fire. Connor rolls his eyes as he shoves a mug of hot chocolate in my hands.
