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“I like when you call me that,” I say softly. She smiles and pushes up to her knees, scooting up the bed so she can lean in and kiss me. I don’t know if now is the right time for the big conversation or if I should let her take the lead. I don’t want to push her, but I need to know what this all means.
“Hattie, last night…” She stiffens and pulls away, expression guarded. Does she not want to talk about it? Or is she worried about what I might say? I run my hand through my hair, exasperated with all the questions and the second-guessing. I think it’s time to just lay it all out on the line and see what happens. “Hattie, last night was one of the best nights of my life.” Her lips part and her eyes go wide. “But not just because of the mind-blowing sex. That part was fucking amazing, don’t get me wrong, but…” I let out a long whooshing breath. Fuck it’s been a long ass time since I’ve had to confess my feelings to someone. I think I’m rusty.
“I don’t want it to just be last night, Hads,” Her lips curl at the new nickname, “I want more with you. I want us to be…us. Together.” Her lips curl upward and I shake my head. “I’m really bad at this, aren’t I?”
She grins, those dimples making my heart clench. “I finally found something that Connor Shepherd sucks at. Other than pin ball, of course.”
My mouth gapes and I narrow my eyes at her. “You fuckingcheatedand you know it!”
“I did no such thing! I tripped and stumbled into you. It’s not my fault you let little ole me break your grip on the machine so you didn’t beat my score.” She gives me big doe eyes, feigning complete innocence.
“Rematch. Rematch right fucking now.” I start to throw my legs off the bed but she grabs me, giggling, and pulls me to her for a soft kiss. When we pull apart, she runs her thumb over my bottom lip.
“Go back to the part about you wanting to beus. You were doing better than you think.”
I chuckle a bit, but exhale roughly. I just need to know.
“What do you want, Hattie? I need to know what you’re thinking, what last night meant to you.”
I actually hold my fucking breath while I want for her to answer. She holds my gaze for what feels like an eternity but then she smiles, one of those smiles that could bring a grown man to his knees, and my chest twists.
“Last night meant…everything, Connor. I wantustoo.” The breath I’d been holding comes out in a loudwhoosh, making her laugh. “When I saw you with Emery last night, it felt like someone had punched me right in the stomach. I felt sick. I would have stood by and been your friend through it all if you’d wanted to be with her, but it would have killed me on the inside.” It feels like my chest is going to explode. I reach out and run my fingers through her hair. It’s a tangled mess and I make a mental note to get her into the shower as soon as we finish this very important conversation.
“I may have even thought about yanking her hair out,” she says scrunching her nose in that adorable way she does.
I chuckle low and deep and she sighs in what I think is contentment. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t resort to violence, but I would put my money on you any way. You’re scrappy.” I boop her nose and she pokes me in the ribs. I laugh but then sigh, growing a bit more serious. “Someone told me you left with Rizzo, and when I thought that you two were…God, I nearly lost my mind.”
“Were you jealous?” she teases.
“Fucking green with it,” I tell her honestly. “But it was more than that. It was like this cold, numb feeling right in the middle of my chest, like I’d lost something I’d never actually had, but I couldn’t be whole without it.” I shake myself. “I can’t explain it right.”
She leans in and kisses me again.
“I know exactly what you mean.”
I cup her face, gently brushing my thumbs across her cheeks. “So…you’re in?”
She places a hand over my chest, right over my thundering heart.
“I amallin, Connor.”
Chapter Twenty
Hattie
Hattie-1, December-0.
Well, really, in the grand scheme of things it’s like Hattie-1, December-too many to count, but whatever. I have one in the win column for once and that's all that matters. Christmas is in about a week and despite a few false starts, I haven’t been this happy in…well, maybe ever. Connor and I have officially started dating and we’re in that disgustingly blissed-out phase where we can’t keep our hands off of each other and everything is new and I can’t stop smiling like a moron.
It's all happened crazy fast. I mean, I’ve only known him for like three months really, but I don’t care. It wasn’t love at first sight with Connor, but it was connection at first meeting which I think is just as monumental, maybe even more so. We had the opportunity to get to know each other, learn all the ins and outs and quirks, learn to trust each other completely without all the pressures of being a couple. Now that connection that made us friends has turned into so much more. No one has dropped the big L-bomb yet, but I’ve been close a few times. I don’t think it would freak him out because I’m pretty positive he feels the same way, but I’m still playing that card close to the vest for now.
For the first time in recent memory, I’m actually excited for Christmas. Making cookies for Santa, readingThe Night Before Christmas—both the original and the Cajun version that Connor had found online and thought was the greatest thing he’d ever seen—watching Ollie fight sleep on Christmas Eve to try to catch the big man coming down the chimney, seeing the wonder in her eyes when she sees everything waiting for her beneath the tree in the morning. God, I want all of it so badly, it startles me.
Ollie hadn’t really thought much of the fact that I was now sleeping over more often, even when it wasn’t snowing, but she seems to love the fact that I’m now “Uncle Con’s girrrrlllllfriiiieeeennnnddd” —I think partly because she just likes to say the word “girlfriend” like that, all drawn out and high pitched. I don’t know if she actually even knows what it means, but she seems happy and likes having me around, so until that changes, I’m not going anywhere.
“I miss you,” I say, pouting. The Vipers are in Denver and it’s the first time in two weeks that Connor and I haven’t been together. I mean, even before we officially started dating, we rarely went a day or so without seeing each other, but now it’s different. I miss falling asleep with him and waking up with him…and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t missing him physically. That man’s body is a drug and I am completely addicted, absolutely no chance of rehab in my future. I swear it’s like every second that he isn’t on the ice, that I’m not working, and that Ollie isn’t around, we’re ripping each other’s clothes off. Hell, sometimes we don’t even bother with that. A memory of him fucking me against the wall in my office at the arena springs to mind, making my lips curl. He’d merely unzipped and yanked my panties to the side beneath my dress. He’d covered my mouth with his big hand, silencing my screams, and don’t even ask me to explain why it was so damned sexy.
Another time, I’d sucked his dick under the desk while he’d been doing a podcast interview on the computer in his home office. It had taken me a little bit to get used to his piercings when taking him with my mouth, but I couldn’t deny that I loved the way they felt on my tongue now that I’d gotten it figured out. Nowthathad been a fun little game—his need to win any challenge (i.e. keeping his shit together on camera so no one was the wiser about what was happening) and his need to lose himself in the pleasure of it all warred within him, his entire body tense with it. At one point, I'd sucked him as deep as I could go and tugged gently on his balls and he’d broken into a coughing fit to hide his guttural moan.
