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She gets it.
Five roommates I’ve married off, three of whom were especially good friends, Ivy the closest of them all. I’m tired of being alone—left behind, as Nana said—but I shake my head and refuse the self-pity. “I’m happy for her.”
“Of course you are,” she says, patting my hand, “but I can tell that’s not all you’re feeling. You have to feel your feelings, or they’ll eat you up.”
I swallow hard. I know she’s right, but I don’t want to feel them. Not right now.
Nana squeezes my hand. I clear my throat and wipe at my eyes as if I have allergies, and I redirect. “Ivy’s an amazing person, and Dave is so good for her.”
She’s silent until I meet her gaze, and I’m surprised to see I’m not the only one tearing up. “Heisgood for her.” The loose skin under her chin bobs with a swallow, and I remember Ivy telling me Nana wasn’t married to Ivy’s grandpa until she was in her late thirties. They had one child together—Ivy’s mother—and he died young, leaving Nana alone for the past forty years or so in addition to the first thirty-odd.
“Let yourself feel,” she repeats with a single determined, teary nod, “and then move on.” She squeezes my hand once more, and then she’s gone, taking my tears with her as warmth spreads through my chest.
I know she’s right.
Chapter 44
August
“I hate that I’ve misseda whole summer,” Matt said, lifting a box. “I mean, I’m glad to be alive and healthy and everything—don’t get me wrong. But a whole summer stuck in the safety zone?” He shook his head with an exaggerated sigh, smiling as he waited for Noah in the hall.
“Don’t you complain about missing summer,” Mom chimed in from the kitchen, where she was wiping out the shelves in Noah’s cabinets. “I did it twice for you boys.”
“Did what twice?” Noah asked, coming out of his room with a stack of folded bedding and towels.
“Missed summer.” She looked up as they walked past, frowning at Matt. “Is that box too heavy?”
“Not for these arms.” Matt staggered intentionally, then let go with one hand to show how light it was. All it contained was some photos and toilet paper.
She threw her rag at him, which he easily caught in his free hand and tossed right back. “Stinker,” she said with a scowl.
Matt opened the apartment door for Noah to squeeze through. “Glad I don’t ever have to be pregnant.” He shuddered, drawing a laugh from Noah as they walked to his car in the August heat.
“You sure you won’t reconsider?” Matt asked, popping the hatchback and loading his box. “Try to find something in Denver?”
Noah piled the bedding on top of his other belongings. “Tired as I am of driving over the mountains, I don’t want to go back to the city. You could move west.”
Matt chuckled. “We’ll see. Kinda hard to leave my job.”
Noah knew it was a long shot, but it didn’t hurt to plant the idea. It would be great to have Matt closer, and if that happened, Noah knew their mom wouldn’t be far behind.
“Thanks again for staying,” he said, grateful they had opted to stick around after his graduation to help with the short move from Oak Hills to Grand Junction.
“Least I could do after all you’ve done over the summer. You excited for all the changes?”
“Should be good. Real job, new city, fresh start,” Noah said, surprised at how much he meant it, especially the “fresh start” part, which he hadn’t really discussed with Matt.
His therapist had agreed that the changes would be beneficial. They had made serious progress over the summer, meeting weekly to work through Noah’s baggage. He felt a thousand pounds lighter, having shed the resentment and bitterness that had lingered from his childhood and festered after his father’s death. Regular exercise and better nutrition had also gone a long way to improving his mental health. He was optimistic about the course of action they’d set for after his graduation from the accounting program.
Impatient to be finished with school, he’d had no plan to attend the smaller summer commencement ceremony, but Matt had talked him into it. The only thing Noah had expected to gain from the experience was closure, but the speaker’s words had hit home. The bits about graduation being a joyful time and using one’s degree to lift others were predictable, but the entreaty to value and give priority to family connections had sunk into Noah’s heart, validating everything he’d done over the summer and motivating him to keep it up.
After Matt’s initial wake-up and almost-smile, his improvement had been steady. It had taken time, but his mobility and coordination were approaching normal. He was still working on physical strength, but mentally he was as sharp as ever—only with an added measure of humility and caution that were greatly appreciated by his brother and mother, respectively.
Noah had spent all the time he could with Matt after the accident, doing coursework online and staying at Matt’s apartment when he was in town, showing up at physical therapy to provide moral support whenever his schedule had allowed, and spending evenings with him and their mom. Matt was tenacious with his at-home exercises, motivating Noah to strive harder with his own goals. Instead of competing, they’d cheered each other on.
The summer had flown by. With only a couple of classes to finish up his master’s degree, Noah had still been able to work construction three days a week. Between that and commuting back and forth across the mountains, there hadn’t been time for a social life.
But now...
