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“Are you kidding me right now?”
“Apparently not,” I say, because honestly, if someone had told me I’d be doing something like this, I would have thought they were joking.
“Jesse, you can’t be here.”
“I just need to see her. I won’t even say a word.”
Pippa ducks down so she can see Willow in the car, and a silent conversation takes place. I know I’ve won when her shoulders drop and she releases a sigh of frustration. “Not one word,” she seethes as she turns toward me.
I draw a cross over my heart and nod, causing Pippa to roll her eyes. I’m about to verbally agree when Willow’s door opens and my world stills.
She steps out in one quick movement but doesn’t look my way, her eyes trained on the ground. While I couldn’t look away if I tried.
As she gathers her hair into her hands, I focus on her every move, watching as her fingers glide through the thick waves, trying to tame the wild strands as she goes. When she’s done, she brushes the strays behind her ears before finally lifting her gaze, her piercing green eyes staring through to my soul.
With all her usual warmth gone.
I hold strong, refusing to break our connection. I want to show her that I can take anything she throws at me as long as she’s okay. And as long as she’s fighting. But the more I stare, the more I see just how broken she is.
Andthat’swhat destroys me in the end.
I told her she’d ruin me. I just didn’t think it would be like this.
My insides twist as I try hard not to project my feelings. But when I can’t take it anymore, I look away, focusing my attention on her body instead of her lost gaze. Assessing her for any damage that she might have done to herself in the month since I saw her.
She’s wearing black Chuck Taylor sneakers, so I can’t see her ankle under the high-top style, but that should have healed by now.I hope. As I survey the rest of her, my gaze gets stuck on her toned legs. They’ve always been a weakness for me, and today’s no exception. Especially considering she’s wearing frayed white denim short shorts, showing off almost as much leg as the night she walked into the kitchen half-naked.
“You’ve seen me now,” Willow says, snapping me out of my memory, her voice wavering as she speaks for the first time.
I open my mouth to respond, wanting to tell her she’s beautiful, to tell her I’m sorry, to tell her how messed up I am, but she cuts me off.
“No, Jesse,” she says, stopping me from breaking my promise not to speak. “You shouldn’t be here. I deserve the right to decide when and where I want to talk. You owe me that much.”
She’s right, I do. But I can’t bring myself to walk away.
“Please, just give me ten minutes.”
“Jess—”
“I’ll leave you alone after that… Until you’re ready.”
Willow pauses and I’m actually shocked she’s considering my request. I’m not even sure what I want to say; all I know is that my heart finally feels like it’s beating again now that she’s here.
“Five minutes,” she says before turning to Pippa, asking another silent question.
“How about you sit in the car for privacy. I’ll wait by the elevator.”
Willow nods before her eyes settle back on mine. “Works for me.”
I take my time walking to the car, trying to decide what the hell I could possibly say in five minutes that won’t make her despise the very sight of me. More than she does now. But the second I’m inside, sitting so close I could touch her, the words flow naturally.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I never planned it. I never expected to see you again, or tofeelthings again. For you or anyone. And it kind of messed me up. I’m not going to sit here and make excuses, though I’ve got plenty. I just needed to see for myself that you were okay. I needed to know. Because Willow, it’s been driving me crazy.”
I pause for a second as I swallow back the emotions threatening to clog my throat, all while Willow stares at me with her head held high and her arms folded over her chest, trying to appear unaffected. She gave me five minutes, and if I’ve learned anything about her, it’s thatfive minutesis all I’ll get.
“I should have known you’d be okay,” I say, suppressing my smile. “You’re strong. So strong. Within a few minutes of meeting you, I knew you wouldn’t be the type of girl to hold back. And I was right. You weren’t back then, and you’re not now. While I truly believe that you’re better off not knowing what happened on that mountain, I admire you for wanting to find out. And I love that you’re finally taking a stand.”
Taking a deep breath, I trynotto focus on the fact that deep down, my strong Willow is struggling beside me, and I definitely don’t want to think about the fact that I’m the reason she’s not okay. Instead, I say the one thing I should have been saying all along.
