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“You didn’t know,” Jesse says, breaking into my madness, his voice quivering, as though fighting his own tears. “You just wanted her to stop,” he continues, and I don’t know if he’s whispering, or if I’m so messed up, I can’t hear him properly anymore. “There was long grass. We didn’t even notice you were standing on the edge.”
“Oh God. I can’t. I killed her. I killed Jade.”
“No, you didn’t. Willow, listen to me. You both fell. The only difference is that you fell to the side and hit your head against a rock. It was an accident. You could have died too.”
Huh?
“Why didn’t I die? I should have died. It should have been me.”
“You did nothing wrong. I should have done more.Icouldn’t save you both.Iwasn’t fast enough. I only managed to grab you at the last second because the rock delayed your fall, but—”
“God, what is he saying?I killed Jade.”
“No! You didn’t kill Jade.”
What? Did I say that out loud?“I have to go,” I announce suddenly, conscious of my words this time.
“What? No. Willow...”
I finally glance his way to see he has one hand on my shoulder, while the other squeezes my leg. And yet, I hadn’t felt his touch.
“I can’t do this,” I say with more urgency, my pulse racing inside me, trying to ignore his glistening eyes. “I need to be alone.”
Rushing to unbuckle my seat belt, I shake him off and grab my bag from the floor, opening the door to get out. But when I try to exit, I’m pulled back.
My first instinct is to yell at Jesse, but when I see the strap of my bag stuck on something, I burst into tears once more.
I frantically try to pull it free, but it won’t budge, and with my throat clogged with so much emotion, I’m struggling to breathe. “Come. On,” I cry out, wasting what precious air I have left. “Please.”
I vaguely hear my name being called but it can’t be Jesse; it sounds too distant. I contemplate leaving my bag and running without it, but at the very last second it springs free, propelling me toward the open door.
Jesse springs forward and catches me before I fall out, like he always does, but rather than thank him, I leap from his truck the second I’m steady and back away with my hands out in front of me. “Please leave me alone,” I beg, but he shakes his head, reaching for the door handle behind him.
“Stop,” I add quickly. “It hurts too much. I’mbeggingyou.Please.”
His eyes fill with so much hurt that I feel my heart shatter.
“I can’t just let you go,” he whispers, his voice choked with pain. “Please don’t make me do that again.”
A million thoughts and feelings rush through me, but I push them away as fast as they arrive, blocking everything out so I don’t feel this agony anymore. I can’t go back there. I can’t go back to the dark place I was in when I first woke up and realized Jade was gone.I won’t.
Bit by bit, I lock everything away until I’m left with nothing but an empty feeling and a fractured soul.
I’m done.
Chapter Sixteen
Jesse - Twelve Years Ago / Age Sixteen
ButtercupcriesoutandI take a step forward, only stopping when Jade’s eyes widen with fear. “Let her go,” I say slowly, hoping to keep the panic from my voice. Something’s seriously wrong for her to be so frantic. “Let’s talk. It’s going to be okay.”
Jade’s eyes flash to mine as she shakes her head, tightening her hold on Buttercup’s wrist. “Just go! Do your job. Go!”
Fuck.
“Please, Jade,” Buttercup pleads. “You’re hurting me. I won’t say a word either. Please just let go.” She cries out again, but when her pleading doesn’t work, she fights back, thrashing about to get the upper hand. “I said… Let.Go.”
Instead of pulling away this time, Buttercup steps forward, forcing Jade to stumble backward into the long grass as she’s caught off guard, releasing Buttercup in the process.
