AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He cleared his throat. “It is a certainty that anyone who is caught in the downpour will produce an offspring the next time they make love.”
A small laugh burst from me. “I’m pretty sure that is not how it works.”
“Faeries are not humans, Chels. Humans live brief lives with no magic in their blood. The ability to conceive depends on the cycle of the female’s body.” His voice became low. “Faeries are ancient creatures. We cannot conceive without magic. The rains, some say, are the blessings of the Mother Goddess Danu. Instead of being subject to the short gasps of the human cycles and lifespan, we conceive only when the Goddess provides us with her approbation.”
The millions of drops pounding the cobblestone beyond the door roared in my ears. “But there is no choice after the rain touches you? Conception is certain?”
His solemn expression pulled me in. “It is certain.”
I pressed off the wall and stepped up to Dagda. Shock and uncertainty filled his face at my sudden nearness. The warmth of his body stole through me and I looked into those beautiful eyes that felt as if they’d consume me. I reached around him and shoved the door shut.
He stared down at the tiny space between us as if it was a barrier he’d like nothing better than to smash out of existence. His jaw twitched, and I noticed the hardness there. The way he disciplined himself. He’d stand there all day like that, never once touching me if he thought I didn’t want it.
I lowered my shoulders. The barrier between us cracked just a little.
“Tell me about the oncemate bond,” I said
His vast eyes swept over my face. “What do you wish to know?”
“The bond, it’s… it’s what makes us feel this way. When I look at you. When you look at me.”
He blinked as if surprised. “How do you feel when you look at me?”
I retreated a step. “It's the bond, right? It has to be.”
“No… and yes. The bond responds to us as much as it causes us to respond. While it does not make us feel anything in particular, it does make us more aware of each other. The more we feel for the other, the more sensitive we become to the other’s needs, wants, emotions.”
That was how Dagda always responded first to my feelings. How he could look at me in the hallway after Ornan’s initial visit and recognize something had happened. How he reacted whenever the whispers started. How his emotions always rocked through me like a meteor.
“But you are saying it doesn’t actually make us feel anything for one another?”
He chuckled, low and soft. “If it did, I do not believe we would be having so many difficulties.”
“You seem to know, not only when Macha or Badb takes over, but who takes over. They haven’t fooled you. Not once.”
“The strength of our bond allows me to discern who is controlling your body.”
The strength of our bond. I’d already admitted I felt something for him. And yet, we both knew he was carrying the brunt of those feelings. Despite the hurt she’d caused him, he’d kept his emotions for Morrigan alive during the twenty-one years she’d been gone.
“You didn’t have to wait for me,” I said.
A soft, sardonic smile flitted onto his face. “If I had not, things would be easier on you.”
“That’s not what I meant. Twenty-one years, Dagda. Faerie lives are long, but time still passes the same, and that is a lengthy time to remain alone… I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had found companionship in the arms of another.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a question or a statement, but I knew no matter how he answered, that I meant it.
He glared at the flowered murals along the walls. “I attempted to.” His voice came so quiet, I had to step closer to hear him. “At first, when you left, I was soangry.” The muscles in his neck tightened. “I thought if our bond meant so little to you, then I would do everything in my power to destroy any feelings I had for you.”
His eyes moved back to mine. There was such pain there. Such regret and agony. Something inside me shattered.
“It did not take long to discover my attempts were in vain.” He spoke with a gentleness I’d only ever heard him use once before, when he first spoke Morrigan’s name. “Every attempt to destroy my love for you only made me see… there only ever was you. And Chels or Morrigan, Morrigan or Chels, there only ever will be you.”
He loved her. He loved her so much. But I wasn’t her. I’d never be that person who inspired that kind of love and devotion. I was the one who allowed others to risk their lives to save my neck.
I was the one who got others killed. Like Thaya.
And in ten days, Samhain would be here, and I’d abandon him again. For good.
