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“You’ve actually been quiet all week,” he says. “Why?”
“I have a lot on my mind right now. It’s no big deal.”
“I’ve discovered its best to let you speak when you’re ready. I’ll let you tell me about it when you want to.” Several long moments pass with only the sound of the antique clock ticking. Drawing my knees up, I clutch my legs to my chest, a protective gesture. I’ve been in this room several times, but as I look around now, I feel as if I don’t belong. I focus on a picture and vaguely remember the couple with three young boys in front of them. I was so young back then when I met them.
“Did you love your guardians?” I ask. Tyler looks over to the picture that’s drawn my attention. He seems to be thinking over what he wants to say.
“They were very good to us,” he finally tells me.
“So you didn’t love them? You just appreciated that they took care of you?”
“No. I wouldn’t say that. If I had to pinpoint it, they’re the ones who taught me what love is. They loved each other so much that when Vivian died a few years ago, Bill was devastated. It made me wonder if I’d ever want to put myself through that.”
“Put yourself through what?” I’m so fascinated with what he’s saying that I loosen my grip on my legs.
“Through the pain of loving and losing someone.”
“Without risk, there’s no real life to be led.”
“There are different levels of risk, Olivia. I think it’s one of the reasons I sought adventure for so long. I enjoyed all of the risk, all of the excitement. Kind of like watching horror flicks. But after a while, I found that seeking thrills becomes boring.”
“Then what exactly are you looking for?”
“Why all of these questions, Olivia?”
“I’m trying to understand you a little more,” I tell him. “What made you believe your guardians were in love?” He’s thoughtful for a moment as he gazes at the picture of what looks like a perfect family. Three smiling boys with a couple most would assume to be their grandparents. A truly loving family has been everything I’ve always wanted.
I know how hard it must’ve been for young boys to lose their parents. But this picture leaves me with a sense of longing. At least the brothers had people to replace their lost parents. My father left when I was young, and no other family was around to fill the gap.
“I guess it’s the way he touched her. There was no thought to it — just instinct and true affection. He was simply driven to seek her out no matter where they were. He could be talking to someone, to anyone, but he knew the moment she approached. He’d move slightly, his hand fluttering to her side, his leg brushing hers. It was subtle and intimate.”
“You noticed this at such a young age?” I ask with surprise. “That sounds pretty romantic for a young boy.”
“It was Blake who pointed it out. But I was pretty observant even that long ago. I liked to watch people and how they interacted. I don’t know why.”
“Do you still like to do that? Watch people, I mean.”
“Yes. I still try to figure out people’s stories. Everyone has one, you know.”
“I agree. I’m quickly learning in life and in my career that everything isn’t always as it seems. There’s so much beneath the layers of protection people build around themselves.”
“What layers do you have protecting you, Olivia?” This makes me pause. Should I be honest with this man? He appears to be opening up to me.
“I don’t want to be hurt. I’ve had ups and downs like everyone else. I have abandonment issues as most children who lose a parent at an early age have. And I’ve never fallen in love before, though it’s something I want. It would be wonderful to have someone touch me without thinking, to need me so much.”
“And what about living in the moment?” he asks.
“I think living in the moment is good as well. Seize the day and all that. But there’s a time when we have to grow up and strive to find what really makes us happiest in the long run.”
“Are you happy now, Olivia?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, do I make you happy?” Tyler asks.
This is a loaded question, and again I wonder if I should tell him everything. Knowing that I’m carrying his baby and not knowing how he’ll feel about this makes me afraid to reveal too much. I need to know whether he cares about me before I tell him about the child. I’ll tell him — there’s no question — but I want to know how he feels first.
“I care about you, Tyler.” My heart races as I tell him this.
