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“I know when a woman has the hots... umm... is interested in me,” I say. I’m confident about this, above anything else.
“Is sex worth torturing this woman over?” Bill asks.
“It’s not just sex...” I stop myself before I say too much. This is going into territory I refuse to enter. “Of course, sex is always worth something to some of us,” I admit, but it’s too late. Nothing will make this better.
“Look, Byron, by watching your incredibly messed-up parents you got the worst example of what love should be. In the end your father was weak, and your mother — well, your mother wasn’t... I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, but your mother was a stone-cold bitch,” Bill says, shocking me. He doesn’t normally speak this way. “You don’t want to repeat those patterns. If you open your heart and allow others in, you can have a good life. Mistreating women isn’t the way to do that.”
I let out a bitter laugh as I look at the only father... grandfather... uncle –—whatever I choose to call him, Bill is the only male figure I’ve had worth modeling myself after. “I’m totally screwed then because I have no desire to ever feel something like that. Not after what I witnessed. Love is a fairy tale.”
“I’ve had my own demons a time or two in life. But while I was married to my beautiful Vivian, those demons were kept at bay. Every single day since I lost her, I’ve been fighting depression. You need to open yourself up before it’s too late or you’ll find yourself alone and filled with... emptiness.”
Bill’s statement stops my next words. Suddenly, the man who’s always been there for me seems incredibly lonely, so much smaller, so frail. Is this how I want to end up — all by myself sitting behind a desk with nothing to do?
“Bill...” I don’t know what to say now.
Bill straightens as if he suddenly realized what he said. “Don’t you even think about offering me comfort, boy. I’m trying to prove a point and nothing more.”
“And what point is that?”
“Don’t be a fool,” Bill gruffly says.
“I won’t,” I say, and mean it.
“Good. Then our meeting’s over. Get the hell out of here and quit screwing up. I won’t be so easy on you the next time.”
Bill obviously needs to protect himself now. I understand, and it’s okay with me. But I want to do something I haven’t done since I was a child. When Bill stands to walk me to the door, I go to him and give the man a hug, gently slapping his back before I pull away.
Bill doesn’t say a word as I release him, and we make it to the door, but when I tell him goodbye and glance at the old man’s eyes, I’d swear there’s a slight sheen. Am I really such a bastard that my smallest act of kindness inspires tears? If that’s the case, I need to make serious changes in my life. Maybe I will.
Chapter Fifteen
McKenzie
I gaze in dismay at my computer monitor. This is one of the only times I can remember being unable to make sense of what I’m seeing. It might as well be a jumble of numbers fluttering on the screen or a fuzzy video offollow the dancing ball.Today is not my best day at work.
I haven’t suddenly lost my ability to read or suffered a stroke. There’s only one possible explanation for such disgusting ditziness:Byron Astor.He’s a menace to society and should be stopped. One minute he’s demanding and in my face, the next he’s gracious and kind. I can’t keep up with him, and it’s throwing me for a loop. It’s Tuesday, five days since the kiss on the street. He was gone on Friday and came into the offices on Monday acting as if nothing had happened between us.
I’m going to start screaming at any minute; I don’t enjoy being this crazy, irrational person. I don’t enjoy that my feet don’t seem firmly planted on the ground anymore. I feel as if I’m going to be carried off into the atmosphere at any minute if my brain doesn’t get some density to it.
On top of all of this, I haven’t heard another word from Nathan, and though this should bring me joy, it worries me. Has he given up? I’d be thrilled if that’s the case, but I doubt it. I’m waiting for the axe to fall. That’s the story of my life these days. In a perfect world, Nathan will disappear and Byron will let me bring another accountant into his office and give me unlimited business, recommending my company to all of his friends.
I learned long ago that I live in a far from perfect world. With a heavy sigh, I close the program I’m working on — or rathernotworking on — and lean back in my chair. I’m not getting anything done.
I’m too busy wrestling with a whole heap of emotions. At the top is something inside me Byron’s awakened, something I didn’t know I possessed — desire. I feel it more each day, and every time he walks by me, his appealing scent wafting out to entice me, I grow weaker.
I let out a relieved breath when I see it’s five o’clock. Byron isn’t in the building, so I can slip away at quitting time.Hallelujah.As I begin gathering my things, Blake pops into my office, a smile on his lips.
“I was hoping I’d catch you, McKenzie.”
“What can I do for you?”
“Can you come for dinner?”
“Could I beg off tonight, Blake? I have a mountain of work waiting for me at home.”
“That’s why Jewell wanted me stop by and see you instead of calling. She’s convinced my charm will win you over. Besides, everyone needs to eat.” Blake holds my door open wider as I approach.
“I know, but I shouldn’t.” Still, I hesitate. It would be nice to visit with Jewell for a while, maybe even do some venting, though I doubt I actually will.
