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Bill ignores this, but continues his story. “Your father had a minor stroke. Maybe drugs, maybe fate. I don’t know. But it changed him. He was no longer such a devil-may-care guy. He’d come face-to-face with his own mortality, and he begged your mother to forgive him. It was her turn to tell him to shut up and do what he was told. That’s the man you knew, the man who appeared to be so beaten down.”
“Whipped,” I say.
“In a way he was, but they each did their part to kill their love for each other. Now I’m not saying what your mother did in the end was acceptable. Far from it. I still can’t figure that one out. I’m just saying when two people set out to destroy each other, there’s going to be a very unhappy ending.”
I sit back in stunned silence. This sort of thing doesn’t happen in real life, does it? How can the two people who’d given me life be so monstrous? How can I ever trust in the idea of love? Hell, how can I trust myself? I don’t think I can.
“I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong,” Bill says in a very fatherly voice. “Just because your parents made mistakes doesn’t mean that everyone is evil — women or men. If you have a chance at love, grab it and don’t make the mistakes your parents made.”
“It doesn’t sound like anyone knows what love is,” I slowly say.
“I loved my wife completely, from the first day I met her until the day she died. No. That’s not even true. I still love her, and it’s been a few years since I was able to hold Vivian in my arms. She was my everything. And because I had her, my life was wonderful.”
“You’re certainly the exception to the rule, Bill; you’re the only person I know who’s had a good marriage.”
“Your brother has a very good marriage, and soon he’ll have a baby,” Bill points out. “A second one, if you want to be technical about it.”
“Maybe it simply looks good on the outside.”
“And maybe you should have a little more faith. Have you ever seen Blake look happier?”
“No, but what guarantee do you have that it will last forever?”
“We’ve finally come to the reason you’re here,” Bill says with a smile. “And I hate to tell you this, Byron, but there arenoguarantees in life. I couldn’t have said without a doubt that my beautiful wife would love me forever, but she chose to do just that, as I chose to cherish her and love her beyond the grave. When you marry someone — hell, when you love someone — you’re taking a leap of faith. You’re giving something of yourself, and to truly love someone, you can’t expect anything back from them, not even their love.”
“That makes no sense,” I say. I stand up from the table and walk to the window, dragging my hands through my hair. “I need it to make sense. I need it to be black and white.”
“Love isn’t black and white,” Bill tells me. “It’s multicolored, and multidimensional, and it’ll take you on the best ride of your life. But you can’t begin the adventure until you give your heart away.”
Bill becomes silent, and, with my heart aching, I look out the window at the empty field behind my mentor’s house. There’s so much information passing through my brain I don’t know what to do with it.
“You’re in love with McKenzie, aren’t you?” Bill asks.
I shake my head. No. I won’t say that, but I feel a strange sensation in my throat and know I’m in denial. Somehow, against my will, I’ve fallen for this woman and have given her a piece of myself. I’ve given her a piece of my heart. And what really frightens me is I don’t know if I want it back.
I sat there with her scum of an ex-boyfriend and heard what the man said, and without a doubt I know that Nathan’s a liar. The man put her through hell and then some, and this means there’s no way McKenzie can be the monster I thought she was. She’s strong and kind, despite some pretty awful things that have happened to her. I don’t want to hurt her any more.
“I need to go,” I say, overwhelmed with what I’ve heard and the way I’m feeling.
“I understand. But if you take anything with you today, Byron, take this — if you care anything at all for this woman but can’t let go of the demons of your past, you have to let her go, set her free. Don’t punish her for mistakes she hasn’t made. She’s not your mother, and you aren’t your father. You’re better than that. To love someone is to truly want the best for them — even if that means a painful goodbye.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I say.
“You’ll make the right choice,” Bill says. “It’s who you are.”
As I drive away from Bill’s house, I realize the man who stepped in and raised me and my brothers has a lot more faith in me than I have in myself. But I don’t know if I can be that man Bill sees. Not even for McKenzie.
Chapter Thirty
Byron
“What are you doing here?”
That’s the question of the hour. I go straight from Bill’s house to McKenzie’s front door, and now I’m standing here without the foggiest idea of what to say to her.
“Byron?” Her blank expression changes to one of concern, and this snaps me out of my trance.
“I want to talk,” I say. “May I come in?”
