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“Don’t say that.”
“Why, you jealous? You’re my brother, remember? Whatever this other game play you’ve been doling out, it’s just that, a game.”
“I only play one game, lil’ bit, and that’s out there,” I jerk my thumb over my shoulder toward the rink, “on the ice. Although, I would consider playing some other games with you. I could buy you some special toys and we could play with them together using your body as the game board…”
“Do you ever stop?”
I shake my head, swallowing as I grab her hand and her canvas bag off the table and head out into the hall.
“I’m not really a stop kinda guy. Except…” I stall, visions of making out in the truck with her overtaking my fantasies. “You can always say stop with me. I want you to know, I’m your safe place. I may take charge, especially in certain ways, but no matter what…” I point at the center of her chest. “Your heart will never be part of any game. Anything we do, you say stop, I’ll listen. You’re the goal and I guard you with my life.”
CHAPTER 7
Nancy
We drove to the house in near silence, my mind flooded with thoughts of Mason and the baby and the swirling feelings that my new stepbrother has awoken inside of me.
Going from nary a flicker of sexual desire to this Niagara Falls of lust has me topsy-turvy and it doesn’t help that I can’t seem to decide if James is playing with me or not.
After he helped me up into the truck and buckled me in, his cheerful, playful mood seemed to fade, which only served to confuse me more so I took the opportunity to sit quietly and wrap my head around all the adulting I have coming on the other side of this baby bump, which soon will be impossible to keep a secret.
Moonlight flickers on the leaves and over the roofline of the mid-century modern house as James pulls the truck into the drive and a flash of fear overtakes me when I realize I have no home to give my child. I play with the rubber chin strap on the helmet he gave me, which I have sitting in my lap like a toddler.
I felt safe when I was wearing it in the VIP room along with his huge jersey. I felt that disappearing sensation again, which allows me to feel somehow anonymous and like no one is listening.
When I started singing, Tracey just leaned back in the chair and it was nice. I faced the wall and sang to the silence like I’ve done since I was a little girl.
My own childhood was fine enough. My dad, in his own way, loved me, but I think he would have preferred a boy. He was always trying to toughen me up, especially after Mom decided motherhood wasn’t her jam and relocated to the tropics with her boyfriend Ramirez.
It was the corn mazes and the stiff upper lip talks. The way he pushed me into martial arts and told me playing the guitar wouldn’t pay the bills.
But, three lessons a week in taekwondo would? As I got older, I think he just didn’t know what to do with a little girl, then a tween, preteen and so on, so he pretended I was a boy most of the time.
Still, despite everything that’s happened today, I’m okay. I’m a little fragile like spun sugar, but I think with a good night’s sleep, things will level out. James and I can go on like brother and sister and I will do whatever I can to figure out what’s next for me.
And the baby.
“You got a lot on your mind there, lil’ bit.” His voice is rugged and lower than usual as I turn to watch his tongue drift over his lower lip in the silver moonlight.
The truck is warm, still rumbling and vibrating under my seat as I stretch out my legs and nod. “Yeah, lots happening today. I think I’m just…” I stare out the window at the porch lights illuminating the burgundy potted mums on the porch, which Sheila made me promise to water. “Nothing’s the same. It’s like, my life got erased and now I’m here. No job. In a new house, with a new family.”
I press a little smile on my lips.
“Family is everything,” James answers, but his eyes are stuck on my lap which makes the skin prickle as I shift and turn sideways to face him a bit more, hoping the less than silhouetted angle will keep my belly hidden.
“Dad says you have two younger brothers,” I say. It’s not really a question, but the memory of Bel in the suite saying James hated children rolls over and over in my head. “They’re with their father? I mean, your father, now?”
