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I say this out loud to remind myself as well as him that no matter what he says about me, no matter how he treats me now, ours isn’t some sweet courtship. He’s done terrible things in the name of his obsession with me, and I have no doubt he’ll do more in the future.
My tutor was a creep, but he didn’t deserve to disappear at Alexei’s hands.
Alexei moves to lean over me. His eyes are pitch black, his voice low and dangerously even. “Do you honestly believe he would’ve stopped with lint? He wanted you. I could see it on his fucking face.”
I swallow, staring up at his dark features. “So did you, by your own admission. How is that different?”
“I didn’t fucking act on it, that’s how.” He takes a deep breath and rolls over onto his back next to me. His voice is tight as he says, “I wanted to. Believe me, I wanted to. When I saw you in the library that day, barefaced and dressed in sweats, you looked your age—yet I still wanted you. You were still the most radiant thing I’d ever seen, and the thought that he dared to lust after you, to touch you… that any boy, any man who laid eyes on you would want you just as much as I did…” His chest rises in another deep inhale. “I couldn’t fucking take it. And there you were, telling me off, so haughty and brave with your little chin up in the air…” He turns to face me again, his eyes glittering. “I knew then that I had to have you. That I’d do whatever it took to make you mine.”
“Because other men might want me?” I ask incredulously, sitting up.
He sits up too. “Because I’d have to kill them if they acted on that want.”
His tone is even, his gaze unwavering. It’s like he thinks he’s done the world a favor by claiming me and thus sparing all those innocent lives. Except he didn’t spare them all, not even close. There was Josh, who disappeared after dancing with me in high school, and the poor guy whose name I don’t remember who fell off a roof after kissing me. And Jorge in Bali whose scooter went over a cliff after I made out with him.
For all I know, there were more—men who looked at me, men who smiled at me, men who passed me on the street. They could’ve vanished for their sins, and I’ll never know that their blood is also on my hands.
My nausea returns, along with a throbbing in my temples. I can’t believe that just moments earlier, I felt grateful to him for belatedly using a condom. That I wanted him to like me for more than just my looks—as if the reason for his lethal obsession makes any difference when it’s wrought so much damage.
I turn away and rummage through the blanket until I find the dress I was wearing before things took a turn. Ignoring the heat in Alexei’s gaze, I pull it on and hurry to the bathroom, where I take yet another shower in a futile effort to erase the memory of the dark pleasure I’ve experienced at the hands of the psychopath who’s now my husband.
When I emerge, I half-expect him to be waiting there, ready to go again, but he’s absent. Instead, the laptop he’s given me is lying on top of the perfectly made bed. Did he have Vika or Larson come in here and clean up, or did he do that himself? Either way, I eagerly grab the computer and sprawl out on my stomach as I flip it open.
It’s beautiful—as powerful as it looks and loaded with all the software Alexei promised, as well as the work-in-progress that is my game.
Ignoring the headache and the nausea plaguing me, I dive in, and by the time I’ve implemented my idea for the next boss, I’m almost grateful to Alexei again… if only for providing me with a way to temporarily forget him and the reality he’s forced on me.
Chapter 25
Alina
Three days pass. At least I think it’s three days. It could be two or four. The days and nights blur together because my sleep is so irregular. Alexei’s sexual demands keep me up a good portion of the night, so I take long naps, and half the time when I wake up, I’m not sure if it’s morning or evening. When Alexei isn’t fucking my brains out, I’m on the computer, working on my game. I’m obsessed, utterly absorbed in it. The code, the story coming to life on the screen in front of me—it consumes me, just like he consumes me, although in an entirely different way.
I’m also increasingly sick. I hide it from Alexei, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep it up. I throw up at least once a day, and my headaches never entirely go away, no matter how many needles Vika sticks in me. The dizzy spells are the worst, though, because they come upon me so suddenly. I could be showering, or eating, or simply working on my computer, and the next thing I know, I feel like I’ve just stepped off the world’s fastest carousel. Thankfully, thus far, I’ve been alone when the worst of the spells have hit, so I don’t think Alexei has noticed. At least I hope he hasn’t.
