AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Derek did not see me this morning like he said he would last night. In fact, I didn’t even hear him get up, get ready, or leave. I can’t think of a single morning he’s lived here that that’s happened. I’m hypersensitive to his presence in the apartment. Well, normally. Which leads me down a path to think and wonder if he was purposely extra quiet this morning so as not to wake me. To avoid me.
He didn’t even pop into my room to say bye, have a nice day, see you later—nothing. Not even a wordless kiss on the forehead.
For a moment, I sat here at my desk wondering if I should send him a good morning text. Nothing over the top, just a few simple words, very casual. I typed it out like twelve times, erased them all and slammed my phone down.
As I stare up at the ceiling now, I’m at a loss. I mean, I was clearly right to be afraid of him knowing the truth. Now, it’s a matter of what to do. Or not do. Or move forward. Or possibly put this whole thing in reverse.Awesome.
“Hey.” Drew’s voice carries in from the doorway and I can make out her figure in my peripheral.
“What’s up?” I ask, not bothering to take my eyes off the ceiling. There’s a cobweb in the corner that’s got my attention.
“I wanted to see if you want to grab lunch with me today?” she asks.
For a moment, I want to reject the offer. I want to sit here and sulk all damn day and then drink a lot of cheap, sweet wine and have the worst hangover ever tomorrow. Possibly bad enough to call in sick.Wow, I’m dramatic.
“Yeah, sure,” I say. “Want to go at eleven?”
“Sounds good,” she says. “Café down the block?”
“Sure,” I say, finally tearing my attention from the web and turning to look at her.
She’s leaning against the doorframe, her head tilted to one side. It could be my current emotional state playing tricks on me, but I swear it looks like she feels bad for me, like she’s pitying me.
“Hawk here today?” I ask. I didn’t see him come in, and honestly, he does what he wants when he wants.
“No, uh, he’s out. Errands to run and things to take care of,” she says.
Her answer soothes me a bit. I’m a little relieved he’s not here. He and I haven’t talked much about Derek, or any of it. I think he’s been giving me and Derek some space to just figure it out on our own. But given the past twenty-four hours, no part of me wants to be confronted by all his questions and quizzical glances. He can be a lot sometimes.
“The guys are already well into their first appointments of the day,” she says. “So, if you need me, I’ll be right out here.”
I nod, turning my attention to a pad of paper at the corner of my desk. I’m motivated to do two things right now. The first is to write down what I’m feeling about all this. The second is to make a list. A big list. Making lists soothes me. They take all my chaos and organize it into actionable items. I can’t think of anything I need to do more than that.
I also can’t seem to shake the memory of sitting on this desk, of what happened in here.God, I’m going to have to get a new desk, aren’t I?This one is now and forever tainted with Derek. I don’t think I can take it.
I’m not sure how much time has passed when Drew pops back into the office.
“Ready to go?” she asks me.
Apparently it’s already lunch time. I look down at my list and my long letter of feelings.Who would have thought my emotional state would take up five sheets of paper?
“Yeah,” I say, folding the sheets and placing them in my purse. The last thing I need is someone snooping around looking for a damn highlighter and finding that mess of words.
Grabbing my purse from the back of my chair, I stand and move toward the door. I’m not really in the mood to eat anything but I have a feeling that will change once I see food. My next fear is that I will eat it all. Everything. As much as I can. I’m not sure why sadness can cause you to either want to eat everything or nothing but it’s really stupid. Like, can’t my body just function normally while I sit in my sadness?
The café isn’t far, so six minutes later we’re seated by the window with menus in hand and diet Cokes on the way.
“So,” Drew says. And for whatever reason, her tone when uttering this single word lets me know I’m in for a very long speech and a very long conversation about what’s going on. “Are you okay?”
Wow, not as invasive as I prepared myself for.“Um, I’m not sure.” It’s the most honest answer I can give at the moment.
“That’s fair,” she says. “I’d probably feel the same way.”
“I knew this was going to get messed up,” I say.
“So it is messed up?” she asks.
“Feels like it.” I sigh. “We didn’t even sleep in the same bed last night and he left this morning without saying anything. We also haven’t texted today.”
