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BEGIN TO HOPE
WILL
Icut my car off as soon as I’m in his driveway, headlights disappearing in a blink. But I can’t bring myself to step out of the car. I undo my seatbelt, pressing back into my seat, hands still at ten and two on my steering wheel.
His house is quite pretty on the outside, at least what I can see of it in the dimming light. Other cars are here, which means everyone is here. Except me. I had considered arriving earlier, possibly being the first to get here so that Derek and I could talk for a moment before others showed up. But I talked myself out of it.
I guess I figured if everyone was here, it would be a buffer between us and possibly things could feel mostly normal.
Though, now that I’m working through the scenario in my mind, I doubt everything will feel totally normal. At least for a while.
Things like this don’t just resolve overnight. I’m sure it will take time and effort on both our parts to mend the rift in our group.
I exhale slowly, closing my eyes. Maybe I’ll just take a quiet moment in my car before walking in. A little pregame meditation.Is that a thing?I think it should be. I’m not sure how long it’s been when I finally decide to open my eyes. Thirty seconds maybe? A minute?It couldn’t have been that long. I blink them open and jump in my seat.
Jesus Christ.Derek is standing in front of my car, looking at me quizzically. Not that I blame him. I’m the weirdo sitting in my car with my eyes closed. His hand raises into the air, a tentative wave, before stepping toward the passenger side. Opening the door, he slides in and closes it behind him.
“Um, hey,” I say.
“Hi,” he says. “Sorry. I just really wanted a moment alone with you.”
“For what?”
“To say thank you,” he says, reaching into his pocket.
He pulls out a small object and opens his palm toward me. I recognize it immediately as the silver dollar I got him for his birthday.
“You don’t know how much this gift means to me,” he says.
“You’re welcome,” I say, quietly.
A silence falls over us, and for a moment, we’re just two people sitting in a car. No one would be the wiser if they saw us like this. No one would see the anguish in me, the awkwardness between us. To the untrained eye, there’s nothing amiss.
“I’m sorry if this is weird,” he says.
“I can go, if you want,” I offer. “I don’t want to ruin your party.”
“No,” he says. “That’s not what I want.”
“All right.” Another quiet minute passes, and I begin to wring my hands as a relief for my nervous energy.
“So, should we go in then? They’re probably missing you,” I say.
“Right, yeah,” he says.
We exit my car, walking side by side but careful not to touch. Before, we’d have walked hand in hand or even with his hand on the small of my back. It’s wild just how much can change in two weeks.
He opens the front door for me, ushering me in and pointing toward the kitchen. As we round the corner, everyone begins greeting us.
“Look who I found,” Derek says to them, likely an attempt to skip over the awkwardness of me sitting outside for so long.
“Took your time,” Hanson jokes, landing us right back at the beginning. I give him a stern look, rolling my eyes as I watch as his Adam’s apple bob, likely gulping hard. Hopefully, he swallowed all the jokes he’d prepared.
“Let’s get you something to drink,” Derek says, turning his attention to the fridge. I make my way over to stand near Drew and am introduced to Helena by Avery.Wow. That’s the only word that really comes to mind. What the hell is she doing here with Avery? Okay, not that Avery isn’t swell, but given her appearance, it’s just very unexpected.
A few people begin making small talk, returning to their conversations before our entrance perhaps. I rim the wine glass Derek handed to me, looking down at the generous pour of white wine.
This whole ordeal feels awkward. Everyone seems to be passing glances in our direction, taking turns looking from my face to his and back again. What are they waiting for? An announcement? A revelation? A just kidding, we’re back together and everything is fine now? Whatever it is, I don’t think they’re going to get it.
