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I hit send and returned to the cab.
There was no response.
There never was.
She hadn’t texted or called me in two years. Our entire thread was me standing outside the house asking her to let me in and being ignored.
I sent my dad the next message as the cab turned into traffic.
“Hey Dad, just left Mom. Didn’t get to see her but left your outfits for Darius’s welcome home party this weekend in the garage. I hope you’ll come. Love you.”
His response came through five minutes later.
“Hey baby, I’ll be home in a few hours. Sorry I missed you. I’ll talk to your mom about the party. We might not be able to, but I’ll drop off a gift for Darius if that’s okay. Lunch this weekend? We can do it at the house or somewhere else if Mom’s not feeling well. Love you back.”
I felt myself sigh.“You don’t need to send anything. Darius will understand if you can’t make it. Lunch sounds great. We can try that new Jamaican restaurant you told me about.”
“Hey, sounds good. How was your trip with the girls? I got your text. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you. It was a rough weekend.”
Mom went through phases of extreme emotional spirals ranging from hysterical over a fork in the sink to over the moon giddy for no reason. The moods were erratic, instantaneous and violent. Dad tried to hire a nurse to stay with her while he was at work and Mom threatened to cut her open with a knife only to break down wailing when my dad got there.
I’ve suggested care homes, or an institution. Somewhere she could be properly medicated and supervised, but Dad wouldn’t have it.
“You know how she gets around strangers and crowds. She’d think we’d abandoned her.”
Stressing to him that she could potentially hurt him one day didn’t seem to work either, so, I relented. I kept my thoughts to myself and continued to live around the landmine of rules keeping me out of my parents’ lives.
The cabbie returned me to the Alexander. I made my way inside with a bright smile for Lewis and Stephanie — the pretty brunette behind the reception desk — that immediately slipped the instant the elevator doors closed behind me. The weight of emptiness piggybacked all the way up to my room and the three other boxes sitting on my counter waiting to be delivered.
But I gave myself a moment.
I stood with my back to the door and pulled in several deep inhales just the way my childhood therapist had taught me. I closed my eyes and focused on nothing but the slow pull of air into my lungs and the steady exhale. I hadn’t had to use my breathing techniques in a while, but this week was shaping out to be a test on my sanity. There was so much coming at me from all directions, so many emotions I didn’t know how to compartmentalize, so many people who needed me to keep myself together. Maybe Lavena was right. Maybe we did need a vacation from the vacation if this was the reality I would need to come back to.
Partially steadier, I tossed my bag down on the counter and gathered up the boxes containing a dress, shoes, and accessories for each of the girls and made my way to each of their apartments. The items were deposited on their beds, completing my mission.
That was my task for every party and every event. It was my job to dress everyone, to find the best items for my friends to wear. Having access to a whole store dedicated to the top beauty and fashion brands helped, but it was my passion. I loved doing it. I thrived on the opportunity to match strings of pearls and diamonds with silk and lace. I loved imagining how each color would complement Sasha’s flawless, olive tone, or Kas’s lush, dark strands, or Lavena’s dazzling blue eyes. I loved seeing their faces when they fell in love with the outfits as much as I had. Did I have the eye like Marcella? Absolutely not, but I enjoyed it.
I sent a text in our group chat to let them know their packages were delivered.
“Can’t wait to see them!”Sasha immediately replied.
“Thanks Kami,”Lavena said, adding a million hearts and star emojis.
“Pictures! I don’t want to wait,”Kas added with a sad-faced emoji.
“Cheater!”Sasha scolded.
The chat continued to go off as I stowed my phone away and realized I hadn’t eaten all day. My stomach was in full protest mod, and I still had a million other things I needed to do.
As if on cue, my phone rang. Marcella’s pretty face flashed across the screen when I pulled the device out.
“Hey!” I said, happy to hear from her. “How are you?”
“Oh, Kami, I’m so glad you picked up. Are you free?”
I wasn’t, but I would have dropped everything for her.
“Always. What do you need?”
