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I wake up feeling like the world is out to get me. I don’t want to see Celine. She represents all my fears now.
Giselle seems hyper as soon as she opens her eyes. She bounces out of bed and dances around to get ready. I shuffle behind her, dripping with guilt over letting my brother die. I miss Crispin a lot today. I wonder if he’d have freckles as a grown man.Why am I thinking about all this negative shit?
The reason is awake when we get downstairs with the girls. I look at Celine and realize I hate her. She’s going to drag us all down. Her problems are too big. She was a sex slave for her entire life, but she doesn’t have the luxury of forgetting the details like Giselle. Her bad memories will pollute our lives.
Walking silently to HQ, I carry a tired Amelia. Giselle pushes the baby in the stroller. Celine is wearing Giselle’s clothes, seeming ready for a winter chill rather than the mild early autumn weather.
Luca, Ghost, and Hope exit their house a few minutes after we do. I glance back at my friend, wanting him to fix my problem. Except he’s the one who brought Celine into my life. Plus, Luca believes brutal honesty is better than safe lies. I don’t trust them not to take Celine’s side against me. No one except me can see how she’ll ruin things.
At HQ, Celine is quickly overwhelmed by the crowd of people. She hasn’t eaten here yet. Her gaze gets bright and panicky at the sight of the other Primrose women.
Suddenly, the women focus on Giselle. I nearly step in front of my woman before noticing Celine does it first.
I frown down at Giselle’s sister. I can’t believe she’ll let us be happy. Much like I don’t believe Crispin wants me to break free from my guilt. Why wouldn’t he hold a grudge? I would.
I suddenly see my brother clearly in my head. We would often sit out back, bored in the summer afternoons with no money to do anything. In the memory, I don’t know where our mom is, but I’m sure we’re hiding out from our violent stepdad.
I think of the time Crispin handed me a candy he swiped from another kid’s stash at school. My brother couldn’t eat it because his mouth was fucked up from our stepdad’s belt. He watched me eat the candy and smiled.
“My brother wasn’t an asshole,” I grumble to no one in particular.
Giselle looks up at me and frowns. “I know. He loved you like you love him.”
I don’t know how to explain to her how Crispin was better than me. He wouldn’t steal my happiness or hold a grudge. That negative shit is inside me. I’m the one hating myself. He would tell me to chill out and enjoy whatever I could.
Settling at the table with Amelia on my lap, I let myself truly see Celine. She stares at Giselle with such longing. The two of them lived an insane, perverted existence. I doubt they had fun like Crispin and I did. The girls were just toys. I’m not sure they went to school or had friends. They only had each other.
For a year, Celine was essentially alone, thinking Giselle was dead. I remember how bad I felt when my brother died. I’d been a kid. In a weird way, the chaos that followed his death distracted me from losing him.
Celine just had her pom-poms and the next painful day in her prison.
“We should ask if Lady Bug or one of the old ladies will come over to help me watch the girls today,” I say as I feed a piece of egg to Amelia. “That way, you and Celine can be alone for a while.”
Giselle and her sister share a smile. I think my woman does remember her sister on some level. She’s drawn to Celine. I like to think if she got hurt and forgot me, a deeper part of her would still feel the connection.
After I text Lady Bug to ask if she’ll help me watch the girls today, I feel a weight lift off my chest. Crispin doesn’t linger in my every thought. I no longer suffer the shameful guilt of living when he can’t.
And I stop wishing Celine would go away and instead want to ensure she’s safe.
That’s why I keep an eye out for Thorn during breakfast. When I catch sight of him walking over from the townhomes, I head outside to talk.
Thorn looks more rested and less edgy than yesterday at dinner when he barely spoke. I think about how he kept stealing glances at Celine. I can’t imagine she’s ready for his attention.
“What are your intentions with Celine?” I ask, blocking his entry into HQ.
“Is this a real conversation we’re having or are you fucking with me?” he replies while scratching at his bearded chin. “Should I laugh at your funny joke?”
“Celine is part of Giselle’s life now. That makes her my problem. And here you are making puppy dog eyes in her direction. I want to know what you think is going to happen.”
Thorn stares at me for a long time before saying, “I’m going to do exactly what you did with Giselle. So, expect me to sit outside your house and wait for Celine to come out. I’ll probably have her moved into my townhome in a week, too. Is that cool?”
Taking the bait, I instantly want to use my size to intimidate Thorn and put him in his place. Of course, he isn’t scared of me. Besides, I know he’s my friend and probably a little right about how things went down with Giselle.
“I remember being more patient,” I admit.
“In a year, I’ll remember the same thing when it comes to Celine.”
“Stop being an asshole.”
