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He may very well be using me. Hell, he’s practically said those exact words. But there are moments in between the wild sex and the passionate fighting when he does something that makes me think I’m more to him than just a convenient fuck.
Something as simple as a slice of cake or as intense as brushing my face with the softest of touches just a few minutes ago, right before he left. As insignificant as those gestures seem on the face of it… they feel important to me.
Theymeansomething.
I can’t bring myself to get back in bed. So instead, I pace. I meander back and forth between the bed and the gaming area again and again, carving foot trails in the carpet.
The longer I stay here, the harder it becomes to have perspective. The harder it becomes to extricate myself from the emotional cesspit I’m falling into. Every day, I get a little bit more attached to Lev. I fall a little bit harder for Uri. I convince myself that whatever the two of us have is normal.
It’s not.
Fucking my face and then walking away is notnormal!
Confining me to a basement during weekends for some unknown reason is notnormal!
Seeking me out for sex whenever he’s upset and then disappearing on me when I need him the most is definitely not fuckingnormal!
I just have to act while I still believe that. Before I’m in so deep that I just accept that this is my new life and Uri gets to dictate how it goes.
Buoyed by my newfound determination, I rush to the gaming area and turn on the screen on the off chance that Liam has seen my friend request and accepted me. I’m not really expecting it to work out. The wedding’s right around the corner. Pretty sure the groom won’t have time to—
Friend request accepted.
I want to cry. Today, I’m extremely grateful for Liam’s obsessive love for all things video games. If I ever get out of this basement, I’m gonna buy him a new Xbox with all the trimmings.
I gasp when I see Liam’s little avatar icon turn green. He’s online! I grab the remote control and start typing fast into our private conversation box.
ALYSSA:Liam. It’s Alyssa. I know it’s late but if you’re there can you get Elle on here pronto? It’s urgent.
LIAM:Hold up. I’ll get her.
I’m freaking out. My heart is pumping fast, my legs feel like jelly and I’m almost positive I’mthiiisclose to peeing my pants.
I jump again when I see the three little dots appear on the screen that means someone—hopefully Elle—is typing.
LIAM:Alyssa! What. The. Fuck??? Where the hell are you?
ALYSSA:First off, I’m so fucking sorry I missed your bridal shower.
LIAM:You think I care about that shit? Where the hell are you? Should I be calling the police? Just give me the word and I’m dialing 911 right fucking now.
ALYSSA:No. Don’t. I’m fine. I’m safe.
AmI fine?AmI safe? I have no idea why I’m lying to my best friend but my gut is telling me that I’m not lying for her or for myself.
ALYSSA:I’m on a job.
LIAM:Right. Cuba. I got your lame text message, Lys. It didn’t exactly explain anything. Do you know how many messages I’ve sent you in the last two weeks?
ALYSSA:A lot?
LIAM:A fucking TON. Why haven’t you been answering? And why the hell are we texting on this lame ass thread instead of on our phones like normal people?
ALYSSA:All great questions. And I’m gonna try and answer them. Just… bear with me okay? It’s complicated.
LIAM:Okay. Fine. Tell me everything.
Everything. That’s a tall ask. And considering I set this unlikely plan in motion days ago, I’m shocked that I’m not better prepared with my answers. The fact is, as much as I want to get out of this basement, I’m not willing to throw Uri under the bus to do it.
