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“Interesting song choice.” His eyebrow lifts with curiosity.
He looks around noticing the decorations I displayed. I went with the white lights around the Christmas tree, the white ornaments with frosted tips, the frosted garland and some Christmas farmhouse decor on the walls. I look at him as he walks around the room, leaning into the decorations, that’s when I notice his body stiffen.
“You went into the attic?”
I swallow the lump that suddenly appeared before I respond.
“Yes, I was looking for decorations. I hope that’s okay. God, I can take it all down if you hate it.”
He turns around to look at me, his hands are in his pockets, his shoulders are dropped, and his head hangs down slightly as his eyes are on the floor instead of me.
“Caleb, say something.” I can’t take the silence, not knowing if he is angry, not knowing if I did something wrong, is the worst feeling. Usually I can read him, but right now I can’t.
“Did you look through any other boxes Julia?”
He stands up straighter, this time his eyes are on mine, he wants to see the truth on my face. I am a big girl. I can admit when I do something.
“Yes.”
I straighten my own posture. It’s only natural when you are in your boyfriend’s house that you snoop a little when he isn’t home.Right?
“What did you see?” He steps one step closer and I can feel myself cower in front of him.Fuck.
“A photo of you and Lucy. A box with… umm with baby stuff.”
He exhales a long breath before shaking his head.
“You had no right to go through my things Julia. No right.”
He sits on the couch. His hands clasp together as he shakes his head to the ground.
“I’m sorry, it was right there, and I couldn’t help it. You never…” I get cut off mid-sentence when he shouts out.
“You never asked. Over and over, I give you opportunities to ask any questions you want. I am an open fucking book. I tell it how it is. You had no right to go through my personal things, her personal things. My son’s personal things.”
My mouth was previously open, but it has snapped shut. Tears burn my eyes as I hold them back. I step back as he stands up and walks over to the fireplace, leaning against the stone. He can’t even look at me. To me it was no big deal, just a couple boxes, I didn’t see much, but apparently it’s huge to him.
“It’s called respect for personal property. I would never go through your things without speaking with you.”
He is angry, his veins pop against his throat as he yells.
“Are you mad that I went through your things or are you mad that I saw her and the child you failed to mention?”
I use my hands a lot when I am upset, so my hands are flailing in the air. I don’t even understand why he is so mad at me.
“Or are you mad because you finally realized you will never love me more than you loved her?” I swallow as I take in his body language.
His head jerks back as his face twitches at my outburst.
“You’re fucking kidding, right?”
“No, I am not. I saw the way you looked at her Caleb. She was everything to you.”
“And she fucking left me. Killed herself to get away from me. We lost our son and she killed herself. She left me.”
At this point I can’t hold back the tears, my face is soaked as I cry, but no sounds escape my mouth. His eyes trail over my face but he doesn’t move, he doesn’t comfort me. I just stand there, a vulnerable mess. The doorbell rings and both our heads turn towards the door.
It’s 11:45 pm, who would be coming over at this time?
