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These are my brothers. We bleed together. We push our bodies to the brink together. We leave it all out on that field... together. They are my family—as sure as my own parents are. And I can’t lie to them. No matter how weak or pathetic it makes me seem.
“I think I really fucked up.”
I can tell myself it was for the best until I’m red in the face, but that’s only because I’m terrified to admit that it wasn’t. And if I was wrong, which I know I was, I did it in such a fashion that there’s no undoing it. She’ll never trust me again. And she shouldn’t either. Not after what I did.
I keep seeing her face, contorted in anger, pain, and confusion. The sight haunts me, filling my vision every single time I close my eyes. Regret doesn’t even come close to describing how I feel. I’m not sure there’s a word in existence that could.
“You think?” Enzo snorts, a trace of a smile crossing his lips.
“You know, they say admitting you have a problem is the first step...” Tyler knocks my shoulder. “So what do we do?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head. “There is nothing to be done.”
“Bullshit.” Higgins squares his shoulders. “Where’s my QB one? Where’s the guy who doesn’t know what it means to quit? Where’s the guy who doesn’t believe in failure? We need that guy right about now.”
“You don’t understand... You should have seen her face. She’ll never forgive me. I made sure of that.”
“Bro, you don’t know women that well if you think that. Especially a woman who’s in love,” Enzo disagrees.
“She’s in love with me?” My heart kicks against my ribs for what feels like the first time in days.
I won’t lie and say I didn’t suspect that she had real feelings for me, but hearing it out loud, it makes it more real than I had anticipated it would.
I want to push it down, the excitement, the hope. Because I shouldn’t want it. I can’t want it.
But the more times I tell myself I can’t, the more I want to prove to myself that I can. That it is possible to be in love and still accomplish your dreams. People do it every single day. So why not me?
Why not me?
“Alina would probably kill me for telling you this, but Rory has been a mess. I mean, she found out yesterday she was selected to interview for that internship she’s been after and she wouldn’t even let Alina take her out to celebrate.”
“She got the interview?” As happy as I am for her, a part of me can’t help but feel sad that I missed this. That I missed celebrating with her. That I missed her squealing and jumping into my arms when she got the call.
And weirdly, that seems to be the thing that completely changes my mind. Because when my call comes, when I’m sitting in that room and my name is finally read and I’ve officially made it into the NFL, the first person’s face I imagine seeing is hers. Her wide smile. The excitement in her eyes. The feel of her lips as she presses a kiss to mine.
The end goal hasn’t changed. The picture just looks a little different now. I don’t know why I was so terrified to begin with.
I love her.
I’m in love with her.
And I don’t want to run away from it anymore.
I knew I made a mistake the second I made it, but it wasn’t clear until today how big it was.
What does it mean to be successful in life if you have no one of meaning to share it with?
Maybe that’s been my biggest fear all along. Needing someone else. I’ve used my parents as an excuse, a crutch to never let myself get too close to someone out of fear of repeating their mistakes. But really I think I was just afraid of feeling reliant on another person. But it turns out, Rory isn’t a distraction. She’s a motivation.
“It’s not for a couple more months but apparently just being selected to interview is a huge feat. Seemed like it was a pretty big deal.”
“It’s a huge deal,” I agree, knowing how hard Rory has worked for this.
“Well, you wouldn’t have known it because when she got the call, she broke down crying. Alina kicked me out shortly after and told me to give her the night alone with her roommate. I think you hurt her more than you know. But that also means she cared enough to be that hurt. Which means, there’s a chance.”
“Well, let’s hope so.” Higgins blows out a hard breath. “I’ve spent countless hours with you over the last year, Arch, and I’m telling you, I’ve never seen you as happy as you were those few weeks you spent with Rory.”
“Same,” Tyler quickly agrees. “It’s like you came alive with her. Before her, it was all football all the time, but she brought something else out in you. I recognized it because it’s the same thing that Sarah brings out in me.”
